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  • The BNP on Newsnite

    by Jai
    26th April, 2010 at 9:38 pm    

    [Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article — even those based on real people — are entirely fictional. All celebrity voices are impersonated.....poorly. The following article contains coarse language and due to its content it should not be viewed by anyone]

    The Chairman of the BNP is interviewed by Jermyn Pacman on the BBC’s flagship current affairs programme ‘Newsnite’.

    NN: “Good evening. How are you ?”

    BNP: “I’m feeling particularly indigenous today, thank you.”

    NN: “Do you want an apple juice ?”

    BNP: “Oh, I’d love an apple juice.”

    NN: “Here you go.”

    BNP: “Thank you, it’s fabulous.”

    NN: “Yeeess. How are you going to reduce Britain’s non-white population from 10% to 1% ?”

    BNP: *splutter* “I’m sorry ?!”

    NN: “You confirmed directly on Question Time last October that one of the BNP’s main goals is still to reduce Britain’s non-white population from 10% to 1%. Exactly how will you achieve that ?”

    BNP: “We’d offer them a firm incentive to accept voluntary repatriation.”

    NN: “By getting everyone else in Britain to aim their Citizen’s Assault Rifles at them ?”

    BNP: “Yes. Er, no. We’d offer them some money to leave.”

    NN: “How much ?”

    BNP: “Our new General Election manifesto stipulates a budget of £18 billion which –“

    NN: “There are 6 million non-white British citizens, so that works out at just £3000 per person. Do you seriously think that would be enough ?”

    BNP: “Er…..well, some people have previously proposed the figure of £50,000 –“

    NN: “If you offered them £50,000 per person, you’d need £300,000,000,000 to cover the 6 million people who are non-white British citizens. Where are you going to get that money from ?”

    BNP: “Well, we’d use the foreign aid budget and –“

    NN: “You think Britain’s foreign aid budget contains £300,000,000,000 ?”

    BNP: “Um, it could be a combination of taxation with –“

    NN: “You think you could raise that much money by taxing the British public ?”

    BNP: “Look, once we’re in power and we’ve convinced them of the benefits, I’m sure they’d be happy to cough up a few hundred billion pounds after we’ve performed a formal survey to verify how many non-white British citizens there actually are, and –“

    NN: “You don’t trust the current figures ?”

    BNP: “Why should we trust some Government-funded left-wing Marxist quango which –“

    NN: “If you don’t trust the current figures then how do you know that 10% of Britain’s citizens are non-white ?”

    BNP: “That’s just it. We don’t.”

    NN: “Then how can you make the claim that you want to reduce Britain’s non-white population from 10% to 1% ?”

    BNP: “I’d like to plead the Fifth Amendment.”

    NN: “That only applies in the United States. You’re giving an interview in London, not another one of your speeches at those white supremacist American Renaissance conferences.”

    BNP: “I can’t tell you because European law prevents me.”

    NN: “None of which applies here in Britain.”

    BNP: “But unfortunately, the French courts and the German courts would not recognise that freedom.”

    NN: “Why won’t you just answer the question ?”

    BNP: “Ve ask ze questions.”

    NN: “I beg your pardon ?”

    BNP: “I said that our time is limited, so let’s move on.”

    NN: “Very well. Who do you think you speak for in Britain ?”

    BNP: “We represent the views of the silent majority of the great British public.”

    NN: “How do you know they’re the majority if they’re silent ?”

    BNP: “What ?”

    NN: “In fact, how do you know what they think at all if they’re silent ?”

    BNP: “You just look…..You just know…..”

    NN: “I see.”

    BNP: “Look, if Anjem Choudary of Al-Muhajiroun can claim to speak for the silent majority of Muslims in Britain, I can claim to speak for the silent majority of the ‘indigenous British’.”

    NN: “Are you admitting you’re the equivalent of Anjem Choudary ?”

    BNP: “Yes. No. What ?”

    NN: “And do you know who was the primary original source of the term ‘silent majority’ ?”

    BNP: “Well, no, but I’m sure it was a wise and great aboriginal white person.”

    NN: “It was the disgraced American ex-President Richard Nixon.”

    BNP: “Ah. Well, he was probably framed by Zionists.”

    NN: “Right…..”

    BNP: “Like I was when I was on Question Time.”

    NN: “You don’t think that was your own fault ?”

    BNP: “No.”

    NN: “Let’s examine a selection of examples. You repeatedly made the false claim that the last Ice Age ended ‘17,000 years ago’.”

    BNP: “Er –“

    NN: “You started smirking when discussing the Holocaust.”

    BNP: “Um –“

    NN: “You initially claimed that you hadn’t shared a public platform with ex-KKK leader David Duke even though the video footage is actually available online.”

    BNP: “I –“

    NN: “You then claimed that your numerous incriminating remarks had been misquoted.”

    BNP: “They –“

    NN: “And after David Dimbleby read out your speech verbatim, including your statements about aiming to take over the British broadcasting media so that you could use it as a vehicle for racist propaganda and your explanation of the BNP’s need to publicly use Trojan Horse terms like “identity” instead of “racial purity” until then, you actually attempted to act as an apologist for the KKK.”

    BNP: “But apart from that, it went really well.”

    NN: “And do you seriously believe that the last Ice Age ended 17,000 years ago ?”

    BNP: “Look, I was poorly briefed, it was an easy mistake to make –“

    NN: “It’s such a universally-known fact that your level of ignorance is the equivalent of being unaware that the planet Saturn has rings.”


    NN: “Hmm…..I’m going to say ‘No’.”

    BNP: “Oh thank God.”

    NN: “Let’s move on. You’ve admitted that you found the propaganda section of Hitler’s book Mein Kampf to contain ‘some really useful ideas’.”

    BNP: “Of course. Hitler’s been tremendously misunderstood. Most great men are.”

    NN: “I see.”

    BNP: “Hitler was personally almost completely non-violent, by the way.”

    NN: “Right…..Well, our time is up. It’s certainly been enlightening.”

    BNP: “Gosh, thanks awfully.”

    NN: “So how do you think this interview went ?”

    BNP: “Oh, it was clearly a roaring success. Like when Apollo 1 landed on the moon – a great triumph for indigenous Europeans all over the world, incidentally.”

    NN: “That was Apollo 11. Apollo 1 was destroyed by fire on the launchpad and all the astronauts inside it were killed.”

    BNP: “Oh…..Well, nothing like that, then.”

    NN: “Yeeess.”

                  Post to

    Filed in: Humour,The BNP

    14 Comments below   |  

    Reactions: Twitter, blogs
    1. Jon Sharman

      RT @sunny_hundal Blog post:: The BNP on Newsnite << aaaahaha! great work

    2. Thomas Earnshaw

      Awsome RT @pickledpolitics Pickled Politics » The BNP on Newsnite

    3. VoteNoToBNP

      Pickled Politics » The BNP on Newsnite: - This is jjuust bloody funny, a must read #BNPWatch

    4. Sheryl Odlum

      RT @VoteNoToBNP: Pickled Politics » The BNP on Newsnite: - This is jjuust bloody funny, a must read #BNPWatch

    5. winston k moss

      RT @VoteNoToBNP: Pickled Politics » The BNP on Newsnite: - This is jjuust bloody funny, a must read #BNPWatch

    6. earwicga

      RT @pickledpolitics Pickled Politics » The BNP on Newsnite < Must read :)

    7. Kevin Arscott

      The BNP on Newsnite <- great satire from @pickledpolitics

    8. Greg Eden

      RT @uponnothing: The BNP on Newsnite <- great satire from @pickledpolitics

    9. Louise Inwood

      RT @uponnothing: The BNP on Newsnite <- great satire from @pickledpolitics

    10. Rob Wickings

      RT @uponnothing: The BNP on Newsnite <- great satire from @pickledpolitics

    1. Sunny — on 27th April, 2010 at 12:47 am  


    2. jonathan — on 27th April, 2010 at 1:50 am  

      Wow. And its filed under humour.

    3. DisgustedOfTunbridgeWells — on 27th April, 2010 at 6:58 am  

      It’s funny because the author thinks the bbc would ever be tough on fascists, lolzaroonie.

    4. sajuk — on 27th April, 2010 at 10:13 am  

      If the BNP/EDL had a serious repatriation policy say e.g. £250,000 (average price of a house) paid to every working Muslim adult to give up British citizenship. I think they wouldn’t be able to handle the rush to leave the country many would leave with their families. I would leave tomorrow for a serious offer like that!

      Muslims problem solved and no violence then they can concentrate on the other ethnics to create their 1950′s White British Utopia! And then maybe the lazy chavs from the EDL can start doing some real hard work that many asians seem to be doing! (but somehow I doubt that).

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