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  • The Treasured Auntie Open Thread

    by Clairwil
    17th April, 2009 at 11:35 pm    

    Contrary to the nasty remarks made by a vile Guardian columinst who might want to ponder glass houses and stones, owing to the rate her rancid personality is etching itself accross her jowls, before she criticises anyone’s physical appearance, I think You Tube sensation Susan Boyle looks like a lovely little auntie. Not an ug or a munter.

    So with that and my sixteen month auntieship in mind I have decided to base this open thread around the theme of lovely aunties, big or small. Naturally being a nice, indulgent sort of auntie you won’t be restricted to aunties in the comments, oh no I want tales of grannies, great grannies, mad uncles, sisters in law and any other grown up relatives you care to inflict on us.

    Say what you like about families, I do and usually turn the air blue as I do so but they do throw up the odd great anecdote and fine bit of banter. Who in the Clairwil family can forget the remarkable tale of ‘our Michael’ being forced into a sack by an angry nun? All Clairwils are familiar with both ‘rickle pickle’ and ‘hob shoe hob’. Similarly ‘wee Irishmen’, ‘decency Anna’, ‘cut the cards’, ‘All Greeks are gay’ and ‘Jesus calm the waters’. Don’t ask about any of it, you’ll only be sorry.

    Still let’s have your family in jokes, anecdotes and sentimental tales of aged relatives. Honestly that time your uncle fell off a ladder whilst trying to impress a woman with his head for hights is the stuff we’re after. One of you has a true belter and I want to hear about it. Failing that let all of us not attending the picklers outing run amock in the absence of the grown ups and make them wish they’d shunned the lure of the pub to stay at screen and supervise. As ever politics is only allowed if it’s funny and used sparingly. No grim or divisive stuff please.

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    1. pickles

      New blog post: The Treasured Auntie Open Thread

    1. Flying Rodent — on 18th April, 2009 at 12:13 am  

      What the hell am I supposed to do with this?

      I was born in 1977 - my aunties are Bay City Rollers fans who try to make me dance to the Slosh at every family do, FFS.

      That said, my great granny was the only Catholic in a family of atheists (Protestants actually, but it’s the same in my book, being hellbound). When she was on her deathbed, she woke up while the hospital chaplain was tentatively exploiting her condition to entice my auntie to the faith, just long enough to tell him to Foxtrot Oscar in graphic terms. She died about ten minutes later.

      From the story I’m told, the priest pretended he didn’t hear, bless his cotton socks. Hell, I hope I go out like that.

      I imagine I’d go with more profanity and less grace.

      (Well, there was an auntie involved in the story - at least I didn’t mention the Israelis or the Palestinians.)

    2. Flying Rodent — on 18th April, 2009 at 12:53 am  

      Actually, reading your post again, I realise I might have violated the “Grim” part.

      In my defence, my lot think that was a hilarious example of my great-granny’s hard-headedness in the face of adversity - I merely aspire to tell a priest to Foxtrot Oscar.

      They’re an odd bunch, alright*.

      *My weirdo family, that is, not priests. They’re odd for different reasons.

    3. Vikrant — on 18th April, 2009 at 2:17 am  

      well this story is about my girlfriend’s grand aunt rather than my own. Last thanksgiving she’d invited me over to her house for dinner. Her grand aunt who’d moved to Chicago from Cornwall when she was 8, we really excited that her grand daughter was dating a “British lad”. So anyways at her house, my gf is introducing me to her grand-aunt, who cuts her short is like ” I thought you were going to bring your British boyfriend over”… Apprently she hadn’t been back to blighty since 1930′s and refused to believe me when i told her i was born in Surrey haha…

    4. Desi Italiana — on 18th April, 2009 at 2:36 am  

      When I was a little girl, my grandfather fed my pet rabbit Alex fiery subji, roti, and pickled mangoes because Alex looked hungry.

      Alex passed away later on that day :(

    5. oldrightie — on 18th April, 2009 at 3:24 am  

      Weird.what are you asking of us?

    6. Sunny — on 18th April, 2009 at 4:51 am  

      hah! I had a feeling susan boyle’s face would make it to our blog somehow, eventually. great singer.

      and I think you may have read that Guardian article the wrong way? I was thinking the same as Tanya Gold too - the reaction of the judges and audience was really cringeworthy. And the cameras only played it up. Urgh.

    7. douglas clark — on 18th April, 2009 at 5:43 am  

      My Great Aunt, who was visiting from Canada, back to Blighty - her word, not mine - explained how her diet worked. Firstly she ate All Bran, and then had a full English Breakfast. The first made her slim, the latter was just to fill her up.

      Even I could see the flaw in that.

      Ho hum.

    8. Trofim — on 18th April, 2009 at 8:21 am  

      My dad has died since, but we still pull my mum’s leg about this. She’s 91 incidentally, a cricket fanatic and fervent supporter of Worcester City Football Club. Her mood is dramatically affected by the results of the latter, and those of Worcestershire CCC. We were recently talking about getting a disability badge for my car, because she does get out of breath if she has to walk far, when she said “But what if they see me standing on the terrace at the football?” That was that.
      Anyway, a few years ago, my dad couldn’t find his glasses shortly after breakfast. They searched all the usual places in every room, then unlikely places, under the furniture, up the garden, his shed, the greenhouse, the car. My brother had popped in and helped with the search, and when I arrived late morning I repeated all the searches. By dinner time they were exhausted and worried, and sat down in the kitchen. “I dunno” said my dad, “I could’ve sworn I had them when I got up”. Then he suddenly looked intently at my mum and leaned forward: “Hang on, what are those glasses you’re wearing?” You know the rest.

    9. FaustoT — on 18th April, 2009 at 10:01 am  

      Common Tanya is Hot, repeat after me, Tanya is HOT.

    10. FaustoT — on 18th April, 2009 at 10:03 am  

      OK, I have just enlarged her picture, she was hotter when she was a thumbnail!

    11. Paul Moloney — on 18th April, 2009 at 10:49 am  

      Believe it or not, the term “thumbnail hottie” already exists!

    12. FaustoT — on 18th April, 2009 at 11:42 am  

      ..and I thought I was being original..

    13. Katy Newton — on 18th April, 2009 at 12:40 pm  

      I’m off out, but I want to pay tribute to my delightfully deranged great auntie Edie, who loved to show my grandfather up at functions by telling the people at their table that he did various bizarre jobs without first telling him. This generally manifested itself in the person next to him suddenly turning round and saying something like “Goodness me, Professor Newton, your current research sounds most unusual”, at which point my grandfather (who didn’t go to university) would scribble “Who am I this time?” on a napkin and hand it to my auntie.

      Also, my great auntie Florrie, who converted to Judaism to marry my great uncle, and promptly became far more observant than anyone in my family had ever been. My grandmother told me that they went on a cruise together once, and my grandmother, who had never eaten (and in fact never did eat) bacon, announced over breakfast “I’m going to do it! I shall have bacon and eggs!” at which point Auntie Florrie wailed, “Don’t do it, darling, the ship will sink!”

    14. Katy Newton — on 18th April, 2009 at 12:41 pm  

      I would just like to add that neither of them were “munters”, which is a word I have always detested.

    15. Sid — on 18th April, 2009 at 1:19 pm  

      ‘Pannonica’ by Thelonious Monk is one of my all time desert island discs. I always though ‘Pannonica’ was just some fancy name for a beautiful track.

      Turns out it was named after Baroness Pannonica Rothschild who fell in love with Thelonious Monk and who are both the subjects of this brilliant documentary


    16. chairwoman — on 18th April, 2009 at 2:22 pm  

      It’s on again tonight, Sid

    17. joe90 — on 18th April, 2009 at 8:06 pm  

      I live not too far from Susan Boyle
      and still remember the voices of scorn when ‘Britian’s got no talent etc’ came to our neck of the woods. It was a local trauma nearly.

      I don’t watch tv much at all, and know very little that goes on in the world of corporate light entertainment, so let me be the first to congratulate Susan on her big ‘fuck you’ to the of local washed-up village idiots who are always putting the rest of us down. They know who they are.

      See last comment on this thread -
      Speaking of overcoming prejudice
      Media Lens Messge Board

      all the best PP!

      by the way, someone tell those insufferable condescending yanks, Susan and her fellow ancestors invented telly!

      Glasgow’s Daily Mash goes viral -

    18. Vikrant — on 19th April, 2009 at 2:01 am  

      ‘Pannonica’ by Thelonious Monk is one of my all time desert island discs. I always though ‘Pannonica’ was just some fancy name for a beautiful track.

      Apprently BBC iPlayer doesnt work outside of UK! Thats bollocks, especially if you are a Briton abroad.

    19. halima — on 19th April, 2009 at 9:59 am  

      “Apprently BBC iPlayer doesnt work outside of UK! Thats bollocks, especially if you are a Briton abroad.”

      It does.. in nepal in worked (despite poor broadband etc).. and just moved into Beijing yesterday and seems it’s working here, too.

    20. halima — on 19th April, 2009 at 10:45 am  

      OMG Clairwil

      Just saw your blog.. what horror has the lovely rupert everett committed on his face!

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