The Islamicist

It was then that I became involved with my first Islamicist group, the Hizb-ut-Tizer (party of Tizer). They wanted to get rid of corrupt Muslim states and replace them with a superstate, based in Scotland, made from girders. They felt this would strengthen the Muslims. They successfully lobbied for a new prayer space, and we got a lobby. It became a little crowded with people passing through our prayer area, but we were happy. The Hizb-ut-Tizer had come through for us. Little did we know, we had become Hizbutized.

The Hizb seemed very hierarchical, with a very long initiation ceremony. I was told that if I worked hard and was obedient and made a Scottish khalifate my priority, I would be successful. I took to wearing a kilt and turban, and attending meetings. After all the problems I had been through with my family, here was a clearly cut vision I could plug into. I did not seem to be very high up in the Hizb hierarchy as other people seemed to speak a lot more. I realised early on that importance was directly proportional to hyperbole, a lesson I draw upon today.

The Hizb were particularly concerned with the needs of the Ameer. It was only after a few months that I realised Ameer was a title, and not someones name. The Ameer of Hizb-ut-Tizer was a certain Abu Tesco bin Bakery. In my next post, I shall detail my initiation into the Hizb, meeting bin Bakery, and moving up the Hizb-ut-Tizer hierarchy, and my quest for a sassenach-free halal state.

The Islamicist is a fiendishly funny blog. It manages to spoof the Ed Hussein book and Hizb-ut-Tahrir (Hizb-ut-Tizer!) without trying too hard. I could say that it is the one of the most incisive analyses of revolutionary groupuscule dynamics since Dostoyevsky’s The Possessed only funnier.

Hat Tip: David T

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