Comments on: You Have Two Cows

By: Don

Don — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 18:19:07 +0000

Deist; You have two cows, therefore God exists.

Agnostic; You may or may not have two cows, who can say?

Atheist; Someone tells you you have two cows, but the only evidence is a pile of bullshit.

Catholic; You have three cows, which are really one, but after fifteen centuries of scholarship it’s two. Because the Pope says so.

Anglican; You have two cows, but one may be largely metaphorical. Or not. Just show up occasionally. Tea?

Moslem; You have two cows, but each insists the other isn’t really a cow.

Sikh; Not all cows are moslems, OK?

By: Jai

Jai — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 18:06:23 +0000

Okay, I have to write a sequel to Soru’s SM joke. No offence to any Mutineers who may be lurking here, we’re all just kidding around

Sepia Mootiny: You have two cows. Lots of American commenters are going nuts about how “hot” the darker one is. About post #20, someone mentions that the other cow is much lighter brown due to being a typical northern bovine. At which point, another commenter starts screaming abuse about people being “racists”, “misogynists”, and “fascists”. The argument continues for a couple of days. 423 posts later when the discussion has been completely derailed, the moderators quietly close the thread but the maniac isn’t banned.

Meanwhile, on another thread, some idiot mischievously says that cows are inferior to bulls. Exactly 30 seconds later he is permanently banned from the blog.

By: sonia

sonia — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 10:19:22 +0000

yeah soru that SM one is well funny. someone ought to send it to them

hah hha

By: Jai

Jai — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 09:56:52 +0000

Thanks for your responses to my jokes, everyone. I thought Soru’s posts were really funny too, especially the one about SM, which is very accurate indeed.

By: Kulvinder

Kulvinder — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 16:41:45 +0000

Kulvinder: You have two cows, why shouldn’t one cow be allowed to eat the other cow?

Sunny: You have two cows…those two cows can be the basis of my media empire

Kismet: I have two sexy cows, and they each moo for me every night

Amir: The black and white patches on the cows is irrelevant they both belong in this field, its the cows in the adjacent field im concerned about

PETA: Those aren’t cows, they’re people

By: sonia

sonia — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 13:50:22 +0000

jai i have to agree no. 70 is just superb
70′s funny too.

look what talents this thread has unleashed! you guys could become stand-up comedians!

By: Sunny

Sunny — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 13:24:44 +0000

ha ha soru and Jai

By: Anas

Anas — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 13:14:38 +0000

Lol. Soru

By: Kismet Hardy

Kismet Hardy — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 13:06:38 +0000

I’m rather sad I no longer subscribe to the laddish sexist humour that made me tickle my testicles in my youth. The trinny & susannah quips that could be made over the title of this thread…

By: soru

soru — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 12:55:54 +0000

Daily Mail: You publish a front-page headline in a 172-point font about how all Muslims are traitors to the great tradition of English beefeating by refusing to eat cows.

A week later, you publish a note at the bottom of p32 acknowledging the difference between beef and pork.

By: Leon

Leon — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:48:13 +0000

ROFL! @ Jai #70

By: Jagdeep

Jagdeep — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:48:13 +0000

Skye Vee — you joke, but I actually read somewhere that cow flatulence is a recognisable contributor to global warming:

Cow farts ‘harming the planet’

So, this is a serious subject you know. Don’t fall for the line that they’re innocents chewing cud. Some serious issues with cows are at steak, I mean, at stake.

By: Jai

Jai — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:46:35 +0000

Al-Gharabaa/HuT : You have two cows. You turn up with protestors holding placards declaring your loyalty to the farm on the other side of the planet and demanding the head of the farmer for insulting cows everywhere.

DEATH TO BURGER KING ! DEATH TO THE GREAT SATAN, RONALD MCDONALD !!!

By: Jai

Jai — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:44:21 +0000

BBC Asian Network: You have two cows. You insist that your cows will take over the entire farm one day and that George W Bush & Tony Blair are to blame for absolutely everything.

Pickled Politics: You have two cows. Amir writes long dissertations about why one cow is patriotic and the other one is a threat to national security, which turns into an extended slanging match with Farmer Sunny. Anas interjects with posts detailing how the conflict between the cows is linked to Israel and Palestine, Raz interjects with off-topic comments about Indian and Pakistani cows and how both hate each other due to conflicts about the ownership of the fence dividing both farms, but manages to save the day by linking to websites with hot Pakistani women.

Meanwhile Kismet is in the background doing unspeakably perverted things to both cows.

By: Jagdeep

Jagdeep — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:42:34 +0000

You have two cows. One of them is Bertrand Russell. He says the other cow should be put down for being of African bovine origin. Another cow says, you can’t do that, what about the suffering cows of Palestine? The watching humans say, ‘Let’s go for a Big Mac and eat their parents’

By: Chairwoman

Chairwoman — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:38:19 +0000

soru – you’re on a roll!

By: soru

soru — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:32:58 +0000

Sepia Mutiny: you have two cows. You argue for 327 posts about which of them is brown.

Gene Expression: You have two cows. You categorise them into 2 breeds, 3 religions, 4 castes, 5 cultural sub-groups, 6 classes and 7 nationalities.

By: sonia

sonia — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:20:51 +0000

leon – 63 – brilliant !

By: sonia

sonia — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:20:31 +0000

the focus on the ‘race’ rather than ‘group’ when discussing people’s feelings of superiority clouds lots of terrible things i feel. so yeah there’s a lot of focus on when the idea that one race is superior to another. what about all the times when one ‘group’ ( not necessarily a different ‘race’ – in any case, conceptualization of race has changed through the centuries) believes it is superior to another group and that leads to really shitty things? because we haven’t got one nice pithy term for it we don’t focus on that?

By: Anas

Anas — Tue, 24 Oct 2006 11:20:06 +0000

Cottage and Jackson were both BNP members, no?

Err, at least Jackson was.