Politics? No way maaan, let’s ‘ave some fun!


by Leon
31st August, 2006 at 12:39 pm    

Sunny has kindly taken the reins off the heavy political opining and suggested we lighten up a bit for a day or so. Great idea!

This thread is dedicated to that end; a kind mash up of the open weekend thread and a ‘tell us what you’ve found on the net’ thread. Go wild, post up your musings (Kismet Hardy stand ready!), your random babblings or any cool websites/blogs you’ve come across.

One condition; NO POLITICS!

Your time is now folks, use it well. ;)


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Filed in: Culture,Humour,The World






61 Comments below   |  

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  1. Trofim — on 31st August, 2006 at 12:58 pm  

    I think you mean “reins”.

  2. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 1:19 pm  

    So I’m doing some research on my book and it just so happens I need detailed information about how to make explosives (it’s about a castrated dwarf choirboy that wants to blow up nelson’s column because its phallic quality disturbs him).

    Anyhoo, if I log onto the Internet to find info on how to make bombs (I’ve just registered to the Controversial Chemical Lab and Weapons of Mass Instruction websites), will THEY be watching?

    And with the first name Muhammed, am I likely to get a 4am rude awakening, machine-gun whipped and wheeled off in a bright orange strait jacket?

    Seriously. I’m using my work computer. Also full of Muslims

  3. Utbah — on 31st August, 2006 at 1:39 pm  

    lol Kismet, by any chance you working in a Call Centre :p

  4. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 1:41 pm  

    A call girl centre, yes. £5 for hand job. £3 discount if you bring mother

  5. Don — on 31st August, 2006 at 1:41 pm  

    Kismet,

    Yes. http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,,1859629,00.html

    Always assume they are watching.

  6. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 1:46 pm  

    Don, I don’t mind them watching. I’ve been a life long peeping tom (or voyeur as we call it in this day and age of swapping binoculars for webcams), so it’d be hypocritical to draw the curtains on on-lookers.

    Question is, will 250 armed officers burst into my office and nick my computer?

  7. Leon — on 31st August, 2006 at 1:50 pm  

    I think you mean “reins”.

    Aha! Well spotted, my galloping writing shows itself up again! Koff koff…

  8. Vikrant Singh a.k.a Amey — on 31st August, 2006 at 1:52 pm  

    A call girl centre, yes. £5 for hand job. £3 discount if you bring mother

    Aww thats a stiff deal you are getting there Kismet. I’d ask £15 for a handjob no discounts…. and £20 for blowjobs (£3 extra if blowjobs are on Brighton beach).

  9. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 1:58 pm  

    Vikrant, how do you know I live in Brighton for fuck’s sake?!

    It’s happenning already

  10. Vikrant Singh a.k.a Amey — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:01 pm  

    muahahahahaha…muhahahahahaha

  11. Sid — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:01 pm  

    crumbs, that’s a fascinating article linked by Don. It would be interesting to see Ask Jeeves query logs since it claims to accept searches in plain text English.

  12. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:26 pm  

    Talking of nothing, here’s a crap Lenin joke I just spent the last ten minutes constructing:

    Lenin, who once famously said ‘Any cook should be able to run the country’, is more than happy to appear as a guest on Gordon Ransey’s Hell’s Kitchen. Gordon decides to start with the simple beef bourguignon and is patiently explaining how to dice the meat, when Lenin interrupts:

    ‘You fool. The way to crush the bourguignon is to grind them between the millstones of taxation and inflation.’

    They try many dishes, only for Lenin to keep pointing out that it’s anti-socialist to provide many different dishes because there should only be one, and a pleading Ramsey cries: ‘Look mate, cooking is just about putting food on a plate…’

    Even so, Lenin comes back with: ‘A-ha. But when there is plate there can be no freedom, but when there is freedom there will be no plate.’

    Finally, Gordon snaps and screams: ‘Do you want to learn to cook or what you cunt?’

    Quips Lenin: ‘What’s the point? No amount of political freedom will satisfy the hungry masses’

    (I’ll get me coat)

  13. Leon — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:29 pm  

    OI! No politics!

  14. Sunny — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:36 pm  

    I wondered how long it would take for this to descend into sexual innuendos courtesy of Kismet.

  15. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:37 pm  

    a crap Karl Popper joke:

    Rupert Murdoch, reeling from just investing millions into Metro’s soon-to-be-launched rival The London Paper, decides it’s best not to invest in a new publication for a while, when Karl Popper pops up with a proposal:

    ‘A new magazine aimed at affluent couples, completely different from all the other magazines, no tittle tattle. A celebrity couple magazine that’s sexy, but also serious,’ assures Popper.

    Murdoch thinks: ‘Hmm. All the mags out there are crap. Maybe a high-brow magazine will do my status as an important publisher some good. Who’s going to be on the first cover?’

    ‘I have Johnny Depp and Venessa Paradis lined up. They’ll talk about his love for existentialism and her penchant for theology. It’ll make a riveting read,’ promises Popper.

    So Murdoch hands over squillions of pounds.

    Months later, Murdoch is horrified to find the first issue is all about Chantelle and Preston, with the pages inside nothing more than snapshots of their home.

    ‘What’s the meaning of this?’ screams Murdoch.

    Says Popper: ‘Those who promise Paradiso on earth never produced anything but a Hello…’

  16. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:38 pm  

    Leon: ‘OI! No politics!’

    I’m talking about bombs. That’s not politics y’fool. It’s religion

  17. Leon — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:44 pm  

    You mentioned Lenin, OOPS! *Gags self for fear of venturing into political territory again*

  18. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:45 pm  

    I perfer Ringo, but I accept Lenin was the tour de force

  19. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:52 pm  

    I’ll leave you with a chomsky punchline and save you the tragedy of the joke that precedes it:

    To which Chomsky can only muse: ‘It’s true. Colourless green IKEAs sleep furiously.’

    I’ve been Kismet Hardy, you’ve been patient, wank you very much

  20. Leon — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:54 pm  

    KH, seriously you have to get your own show! Get a You Tube account and starting broadcasting the Kismet Hardy Half Hour!:D

  21. Kismet Hardy — on 31st August, 2006 at 2:54 pm  

    PS. Measure out 100 mL of 98% nitric acid into a round bottomed 500-mL Florence flask. Place the flask into a salt-ice bath to provide cooling. While stirring rapidly, slowly add 50 g of oxanilide while the temperature is maintained below 40 °C. After the addition of the oxanilide is completed (addition should take 2.5-3 hours), the agitation is continued for 10-15 minutes. The flask is now transferred to a water bath where the temperature is then raised to 80 °C over a period of 1 hour and maintained at 80-85 °C for 3 hours. The acid slurry is then cooled to room temperature and drowned by pouring over cracked ice. The product is filtered on a Buchner funnel and washed with water until it is almost acid free. The filter cake is placed in a beaker and sufficient water added to form a slurry. Steam is run into the slurry under agitation for 10 minutes. The slurry is filtered and the residue washed. The latter treatment of the slurry is repeated until the wash water is found to be neutral to litmus paper. The TNO is washed with ethyl alcohol, then acetone, dried in the air, and finally dried at 100-110 °C. Yield is 90-97% of the theoretical. You will need a graduated cylinder for measuring liquids, a stirring rod or magnetic stirrer for mixing, and a thermometer to monitor the temperature.

  22. Amit — on 31st August, 2006 at 3:56 pm  

    what else did you expect sunny…

    ….on that note sunnerz…see you on friday for our usual orgy! ;)

  23. Sunny — on 31st August, 2006 at 4:02 pm  

    Amit can you please keep my private life out of this :P
    And he means poker everyone, just so we’re clear!

    Kismet – I don’t mind the bad jokes, but you’re bring my site down with posting bomb making instructions!

  24. Leon — on 31st August, 2006 at 4:05 pm  

    LOL! Yeah I have this vision of MI5 going loopy after reading that! Poker eh? You guys pay for cash?

  25. DR1001 — on 31st August, 2006 at 4:17 pm  

    ok this is not quite politics but it does have Bush in the vid (but don’t be put off) listen carefully…. the fun is that CNN anchor Kyra phillips left her mike on when in the ladies and talks about her ‘control freak’ sis – in – law

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIIrPvLn3Xg&NR

  26. AsifB — on 31st August, 2006 at 4:23 pm  

    DR1001 no. 25 – Just like Frank Drebin at the LA Mayor’s press conference in the Naked Gun.

    Not very original – but then old gags are the best.

  27. Amit — on 31st August, 2006 at 5:02 pm  

    Did you mean poker? I know I didn’t! :p

    On another note, any second now I’ll be achieveing true enlightenment and super galactic oneness, Oh yep…there it is…I guess I’be leaving my body any se . . .

  28. Amit — on 31st August, 2006 at 5:21 pm  

    P.S. weren’t you supposed to remind me about something???? GRRRRRRRRRRRRR :|

  29. Sunny — on 31st August, 2006 at 6:40 pm  

    Doh! Please tell me you managed to print that stuff :(

    Leon – yes we do play for cash. Big money too. You have to bring at least 5 whole pounds every time with you!

  30. Rakhee — on 1st September, 2006 at 12:36 am  

    Amit, Sunny,

    I think the funds raised from your poker games should go towards a really good cause.

    A chocolate fund. All for me. Yay! *eyes light up*.

  31. Leon — on 1st September, 2006 at 10:30 am  

    yes we do play for cash. Big money too. You have to bring at least 5 whole pounds every time with you!

    Aha! My kind of stakes!:D

  32. Jai — on 1st September, 2006 at 11:26 am  

    Random comments by Jai on the pre-weekend open topic thread:

    1. What about Nelly Furtado, eh ? What a change of image. Should be appreciated from a red-blooded male perspective. Catchy tunes too. And funky videos. Her new song is very, er, catchy indeed.

    I read somewhere (probably here on PP) that she grew up surrounded by Indians and could sing Bollywood film songs in Hindi and bhangra songs in Punjabi.

    2. Speaking of catchy tunes and red-blooded male perspectives, there’s a song called “Screw the Lightbulb” by Hunterz that’s doing the rounds on some of the Asian satellite music channels. I suspect Raz in particular will enjoy the video.

  33. Ravi Naik — on 1st September, 2006 at 11:49 am  

    So, the two guys who were expelled from a plane in Malaga are probably going to be charged. If it is indeed truth, they are no better than then terrorists.
    FUCK THEM.

  34. Jagdeep — on 1st September, 2006 at 12:05 pm  

    I agree Ravi. Something is very fishy about that pair, and the more I read about them, the more I doubt their story. And if they went there with the purpose of doing that deliberately, then they are a pair of *$!@* [insert expletive]

  35. Sunny — on 1st September, 2006 at 1:05 pm  

    Ravi – I reiterate. There is nothing in the article to suggest they deliberately set out to do this apart from the continued insinuation. So the guy was done for credit card fraud a few years ago. How does that relate to this case?

  36. Bert Preast — on 1st September, 2006 at 1:10 pm  

    He has a 40 grand Beamer to pay for?

  37. Jagdeep — on 1st September, 2006 at 1:15 pm  

    Sunny

    Why did they lie when they said they were students at UMIST? I don’t trust them. They sound like a pair of chancers to me.

  38. Jagdeep — on 1st September, 2006 at 1:16 pm  

    At the very least, they are liars. At the minimum the lies they told should make you suspect the veracity of their story in some respect, at least be sceptical.

  39. Don — on 1st September, 2006 at 1:25 pm  

    He only admitted to the conviction for fraud a couple of years ago. And unspecified juvenile conviction(s?).This is a current case, following his arrest last November.

    It does imply he is a serial fraudster, which cannot but call into question the value of his word.

  40. Jagdeep — on 1st September, 2006 at 1:34 pm  

    Don

    They said they were students at UMIST (Manchester University) and that they couldnt give any more interviews because they had exams to sit. They were lying about that. They are bascially liars. I don’t trust them, and so their account of their strange 7 hour holiday to Malaga (land at 7:30pm and leave at 3am?)

    Maybe they are telling the truth. But they are liars. And they made a good amount of money from selling their story. And they are fraudster criminals. And liars. So I don’t have the same faith in their story as I had when I first heard it. Although maybe they are telling the truth.

    But they are liars and might have made fools out of a lot of people.

  41. Don — on 1st September, 2006 at 1:46 pm  

    Jagdeep, I tend to agree.

    Flight time Manchester – Malaga is four hours each way. They booked after the news of the bomb plot when airport chaos was a major story, so check-in and security were, what?, three hours UK and maybe two in Malaga. Travel time to and from airports…

    Around 14 -15 hours travelling time for four or five hours in bars and eating burgers. Funny way to spend the best part of £200 each.

  42. Sunny — on 1st September, 2006 at 1:51 pm  

    Why did they lie when they said they were students at UMIST?

    Where does it say they lied about UMIST? The papers couldn’t prove that because the unis are closed. But as far as I’m aware they did not lie on this.

  43. Jagdeep — on 1st September, 2006 at 2:04 pm  

    Sunny, the Independent phoned up UMIST and the representative could not confirm or deny the name of anyone at University because of student confidentiality. All the person could confirm was that there were no exams taking place currently ie: at the time when they said they were sitting exams.

    So why lie and say they were sitting exams at UMIST, when they were no exams being sat at UMIST.

    The whole thing stinks – and they have made fools out of alot of people, and worsened the atmosphere all around.

  44. Jagdeep — on 1st September, 2006 at 2:10 pm  

    One more thing why it stinks – not only because of the selfishness and the foolishness and the bad atmosphere they created (if they were lying, you know, maybe they did spend £400 in order to sit in McDonalds in Malaga for 6 hours)

    No, the other reason why I dislike them is because of the whole thing of the boy crying wolf. If in the future this actually does happen, their actions (if they were lying) trivialises and makes it more difficult for us all. The problem and issue is tough enough as it is, without them doing this (if they were lying etc etc etc)

    I wonder if he made enough to buy his BMW though.

  45. Leon — on 1st September, 2006 at 2:11 pm  

    Erm, you guys not taking much notice of the title of this thread?

    Anyway, I’m bored of my current blog reading list, anyone got any good no political blog links?

  46. Rakhee — on 1st September, 2006 at 2:24 pm  

    => anyone got any good no political blog links?

    Have a browse through this political blogging directory if you’re bored of the usual….

    http://www.voidstar.com/ukpoliblog/

  47. Leon — on 1st September, 2006 at 2:39 pm  

    Haha! Mad, my old General Election blog is still listed on that!:D

  48. Jai — on 1st September, 2006 at 2:41 pm  

    Well, so much for my own efforts to add a little fun-filled unpolitical badmaashi to this thread (re: post #32)…..

    I remember reading somewhere recently (don’t take my word for the following, though) that UMIST did indeed have some exam re-sits during the past few weeks, so maybe the 2 Malaga guys weren’t necessarily lying about that aspect, at least.

    Raz needs to turn up here and add his usual “Hot Women Diplomacy” input. As a backup, Kismet would be the best alternative, but you can’t rely on him to supply pics of the right species.

  49. Rakhee — on 1st September, 2006 at 3:08 pm  

    Hot Women Diplomacy?
    WE ‘HOT WOMEN’ READ PP TOO YOU KNOW!
    Grr. Where’s Katy? I think we should have a huge pic of a fit man on the weekend thread.

    Re the UMIST thing, Jai think you’re right. Re-sits run through the summer too though it might be a bit late for those. Need more evidence me thinks…

    I’m not convinced about this whole thing. I mean, are we really saying that these two lads created a plan to appear suspicious on a flight, tried to get themselves evicted from a plane and then sold their story to a national, on top of knowing it would be likely their criminal record would come out?

    Seems a bit elaborate to me. They couldn’t have predicted what was going to happen here.

    I do think they made the most of it when it did happen though. They sold their story to cream money.

    Thief, yes. Stupid, yes. Conspirers on a level being suggested here? I need to see more evidence before I’m so quick to judge.

  50. Amit — on 1st September, 2006 at 3:09 pm  

    Rakhee, would you settle for a chocolate fountain?

  51. Amey — on 1st September, 2006 at 8:39 pm  

    Hot Women Diplomacy?
    WE ‘HOT WOMEN’ READ PP TOO YOU KNOW!

    Ahh..Rakhee thats pretty much an insider joke. In the early days of PP, we (ok it was just me and raz!) used to have loads of India vs Pakistan flamewars… which usual were diffused by Hottie-Girl talk… ahh the good old days…

  52. raz — on 1st September, 2006 at 8:52 pm  

    Sadly, Sunny forbid me from posting hentai :(

  53. Vikrant a.k.a Amey — on 1st September, 2006 at 8:54 pm  

    Go ahead post ‘em raz, sunny will be busy with his orgy poker games tonight…

  54. Vikrant a.k.a Amey — on 1st September, 2006 at 9:09 pm  

    Aah.. Rakhee here is the guilty post…the one that started sexism in PP..

    http://www.pickledpolitics.com/archives/367#comment-15719

    *BLAME RAZ*

  55. Vikrant a.k.a Amey — on 1st September, 2006 at 9:12 pm  

    owwie Sunny has already linked my PP. I better get back to serious blogging…

  56. mirax — on 1st September, 2006 at 10:36 pm  

    Raz,
    is all hentai erotic by definition? what’s the diff between hentai and erotic anime?

    Been meaning to ask for some time…

  57. Bert Preast — on 1st September, 2006 at 11:35 pm  

    Why are Asians rubbish at sailing?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oI8L_XQhDNc

    See? Damnit man, that’s a sport and a half. Get on it.

  58. Rakhee — on 2nd September, 2006 at 1:57 am  

    Amit – chocolate fountain? *swoon*

    btw, looking at your site, thought you might be interested in a forthcoming event my lovely mama and papa have invited me to, held in relation to the United Nations Day of Peace:
    http://www.just-a-minute.org/

    V – thank you for clarifying! I like the idea of using hotties to diffuse a situation. Perhaps it shoud be suggested to top negotiators at the MI5 ;)

    I stand by my point though, tis time I think for fit men to have a greater presence – it is only fair. Speaking of which, I’ve never been a huge fan but Justin Timberlake’s latest track (SexyBack) is hot.

    Some men are like a fine wine – they only get better with age. I think Timberlake might be one of them. Others are like cheese. Soooo good for the first few days then need to be binned, and fast. Hee hee…

  59. Amir — on 2nd September, 2006 at 2:26 am  

    Rakhee (& kismet Hardy) -

    If you want a hot, sweaty, right-wing-informed guy… I can only make my services available.

    Time. Date. Place. :-)

  60. Amit — on 3rd September, 2006 at 10:59 am  

    Funny you should mention that Rakhee, I was going to go to that but I think the tickets are all gone, if I’m wrong, let me know! But the people who are organising the event, the Brahma Kumaris, I used to be a big part of them, I attended there for about 10 years.

    I hope you have an amazing time at JAM! :D

  61. Rakhee — on 4th September, 2006 at 12:26 am  

    Amit, thx, will let you know if I come across any spare tickets….

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