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    How Nirpal Dhaliwal is destroying Asian men

    by Sunny on 16th August, 2006 at 3:34 am    

    Regular as clockwork, a certain PP reader calls me up after just having read Nirpal Dhaliwal’s weekly column in the Evening Standard to vent her anger at his idiocy. For whatever reason, and some have insinuated it’s because they want the exclusive once he splits up with his equally annoying wife Liz Jones, the Evening Standard and Daily Mail employ him to tell us what a ‘modern man’ should behave like.

    I don’t know whether his brownness makes it easier for them to have his write all this sexist garbage. I just hope he is not seen as representative. A great example of his hilarious drivel is: How feminism destroyed real men, in which he has this pearl of wisdom:

    No doubt at the time, millions of misguided single women thought that having a man who could feel their pain and emote for Britain was a Good Thing.

    Now, over a decade later, women are waking up to the fact that these men are drippy, sexless bores. The feminisation of men hasn’t produced the well-rounded uber-males women were hoping for.

    Instead, women are now lumped with flabby invertebrates, little more than doormats, whom they secretly despise but are too proud to admit it.

    Rather than partnership, professional women tend to seek dominance in a relationship. They map their lives out early on and pursue their dream of ‘having it all’ with cold-blooded ruthlessness.

    Heh. I wasn’t going to post this, but David T has pointed me to a Blah Blah Flowers, where Loz is now on the third edition of Nirpal Dhaliwal Watch. The first edition, where she rips apart the above article, is worth reading in full. Also: two and three.
    What will it take to shut this guy up?

      |     |   Add to del.icio.us   |   Share on Facebook   |   Filed in: Humour, Media

    69 Comments below   |  

    1. soultrain — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:47 am  

      Nirpal Dhaliwals columns in the Evening Standard have been controversial, stoking up the fire by making loaded points. He often attracts letters of criticisms in the letters page - and he probably gets more than what they publish.

      And thats no different to other Evening Standard columnists, indeed journalists out there in the tabloid and broadsheet world - many of them have their eccentricities. I always thought they deliberately choose people who don’t meet the conventional norm and are happy to be very personal and cause a storm.

      So I thought that Nirpal fits in very well in that world - its what all his other colleagues do, as well as making other controversial points…I can’t see a mass of people considering representative of the Asian community, in the same way most readers wouldn’t consider columnists generally with much seriousness anyway. Well I’d hope not anyway!

    2. Kulvinder — on 16th August, 2006 at 6:09 am  

      Outside the world of their respective columns where, as with all columnists they’re paid to be little more than dancing monkeys im sure they’re okay.

      But ive always found theres something Liza Minnelli-David Gest ish about Liz Jones and Nirpal Dhaliwal.

      All the shit writing should be done at the Mail, it helps keep it in one place.

    3. Yakoub/Julaybib — on 16th August, 2006 at 7:47 am  

      I remember reading ‘Iron John: A Book About Men’ by Robert Bly in the early 1990s, a book which - although quite sensible in itself - allegedly began the ‘anti-feminist backlash’ of the 1990s, and this kind of drivel is just another bad example of the genre.

      But it plays on a real issue (and that’s why it gets printed), which is how guilt-ridden, wannabe emotionally literate middle class men like myself have dealt with feminists, and that has included getting walked all over by those unscrupulous, self-serving women who see people like me coming. But let’s not exagerate. I mean, its happened a couple of times to me in my working life. There aint armies of mad, domineering girlies out there, but there are plenty of blokes who still treat women like shit.

      The way to shut men like this up, in my view, is to shift from the political discourse from feminism to gender justice, with the emphasis on rights and respect instead of empowerment.



    4. TheFriendlyInfidel — on 16th August, 2006 at 8:04 am  

      I’m more interested in Asian women.

      Hmm …


    5. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 8:56 am  

      I mostly like him, but then you knew I would.
      You’re of course all entitled to tell me to stick my partially reconstructed maleness. I agree with him when he says women don’t like wimps. Whatever.
      But I must object to your headline.
      Why should he be destroying Asian men? Isn’t he just one modern manifestation of a very heteregenous beast? Long live diversity within diversity!
      Now I really must get back to work

    6. Chairwoman — on 16th August, 2006 at 10:36 am  

      I am not normally a violent person, but frankly, I want to slap them both.

    7. Simon Benjamin — on 16th August, 2006 at 10:55 am  

      Sunny, in what respects to you see Dhaliwal destroying Asian men? I don’t think his ethnicity has anything to do with his views - he’s writing from a male - albeit flawed - point of view.

      And in any case, if you were married to that Bunny Boiler Jones - i read her column and she is one scary mamma - I think you’d go loco.

      proper loco.

    8. sonia — on 16th August, 2006 at 10:58 am  

      :-) destroying asian men or just men? i don’t think the ‘asian’ is a factor in what he says - i’ve heard lots along the same lines from lots of other folks.

      in any case, he’s quite funny. don’t worry im sure no one takes it very seriously. his wife must be a bit pissed of with him though…!

    9. sonia — on 16th August, 2006 at 10:59 am  

      heh heh Simon’s quite funny above.

      question is - why if such women are such a pain to be with = are men like Dhaliwal sticking around?

    10. sonia — on 16th August, 2006 at 11:02 am  

      yes he’s worked out if he’s a bit outrageous and says what a ‘manly man’ is supposed to say, he’ll a) make some money out of the controversy, and b) might find himself another cavewoman in case his wife gets pissed off and leaves.

      “Women, especially alpha ones, love guys who tell them to shut up.”

      ho ho ho. Yep, he’s having a laugh, have to give it to him really, he’s having some fun testing some boundaries. Raising his ‘brownness’ isn’t really fair though i don’t think.

    11. sonia — on 16th August, 2006 at 11:02 am  

      i mean i think! right id better do some work

    12. Jagdeep — on 16th August, 2006 at 11:20 am  

      Nirpal Dhaliwal is a wind up merchant and in amongst his crassness are some real gems….he makes me laugh sometimes even when I think what he says makes him seem an idiot….and Sunny, he succeeds at his job by winding you up and then claiming that he is ‘destroying Asian men’ - how funny! How exactly is that different than old men in Brick Lane who claim Monica Ali is dissing them? Everyone is free to have an opinion and his opinion has nothing to do with being Indian.

      frankly if we lived in a world in which every Indian writer/journalist/public figure was a politically correct, tofu eating lefty that did nothing but concur with everything you thought, the world would be hellishly boring. Thank goodness for people like Dhaliwal!

    13. Steve Davies — on 16th August, 2006 at 11:33 am  

      Sunny, why didn’t you quote the best bit - this is truly beyond satire!

      “My wife is older and more successful than I am, but the bedroom has always been the arena in which I have brought her down to earth.

      The female orgasm is the natural mechanism by which men assert dominion over women: a man who appreciates this can negotiate whatever difficulties arise in his relationships with them”

    14. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 11:55 am  

      That is funny Steve, funny ha ha, that is.
      But, I dunno, can anyone really deny the truth in:

      “a man who appreciates this can negotiate whatever difficulties arise in his relationships with them”

      I can’t vouch for how women think, but I know that if I’m getting my oats — the full muesli — I tend to be my happiest, most generous, romantic, and considerate self!

    15. Leon — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:05 pm  

      Anyone else find the idea that the point of feminism is to create a better man funny?

    16. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:13 pm  


    17. Billy — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:17 pm  

      This guy is an idiot. This whole article seems to be a way of him rationalising the fact his wife is richer and more successful than him by him saying, ‘but in the bedroom, I am the boss.’

      “The female orgasm is the natural mechanism by which men assert dominion over women: a man who appreciates this can negotiate whatever difficulties arise in his relationships with them”

      If that is true, why is it so that a lot of women can achieve orgasm more often on their own then with a man?

    18. Jagdeep — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:20 pm  

      Time to eat more tofu guys.

      Let’s be honest, if you satisfy your wife sexually, life will be easier for you both and your relationship will be better. What’s wrong with that point? If anything Dhaliwal is saying you should go out of your way to satisfy her rather than be a man who expects to be sexually served by a woman. What’s wrong with that?

    19. Jagdeep — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:22 pm  


      (((If that is true, why is it so that a lot of women can achieve orgasm more often on their own then with a man?)))

      Well ALL men can achieve orgasm without a woman but it feels a lot better to achieve it with a woman, right? So the same is true for how women feel about their orgasms ie: they’d rather reach one with a man than by themself.

    20. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:22 pm  

      hmmm…. I see my flippancy is not being taken well.. ho hum… i’ll just have try harder (said the man with a 14-year old marriage, 3 kids, string of female bosses, wife on a higher earner, strong cooking skills, etc)… me, smug?

    21. sonia — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:36 pm  

      tofu eating lefty!! oh you don’t generalize do ya jagdeep? he’s definitely a wind up merchant i agree! ( and him and liz prob. write their articles together and have a giggle..)

    22. Paul Moloney — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:36 pm  

      I’m tempted to join in the throng, but I can’t help feeling we should just feel sorry for this chap; he is married to Liz Jones, that’s punishment enough.


    23. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:43 pm  

      I’m with you on the tofu and #19 is spot on.
      I sense you have some experience of these matters too.
      (what was that about wind-up merchants)

    24. Sunny — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:53 pm  

      Ha ha! Well the headline parapharses the Daily Mail article. I can’t see Dhaliwal destroying anything else. And I can’t believe some of the crap he comes out with.

    25. Jagdeep — on 16th August, 2006 at 12:59 pm  


      Hi! Yeah tofu eating lefty was a Nirpal style wind up by me ;-)

      But even though some of what he says is crass, when you think about it he makes sense. I mean he is basically saying that men need to take make sure that their wife is sexually satisfied and when that happens the dynamic of the relationship is exciting and women’s sexuality is satisfied and it also makes the man feel good and loved and wanted because when you satisfy your wife it makes you feel like a real man. What’s wrong with that?

      How can anyone, except tofu eating lefty wimps who are scared of performing cunnilingus on their wives for fear of it being construed as an example of dastardly patriarchy and male hegemony, find anything objectionable in that?

      It’s just common sense. And it’s a fun read. And it makes some people get angry. So it’s good writing.

      Now let me go and eat some raw meat.

    26. Sunny — on 16th August, 2006 at 1:12 pm  

      except tofu eating lefty wimps who are scared of performing cunnilingus on

      That is such rubbish though. I love tofu. I’m a veggie and a lefty. But i’m neither a wimp (been in enough ruckuses in my time) and nor afraid to perform cunnilingus. So ner :p

    27. Rob — on 16th August, 2006 at 1:23 pm  

      Thing is, in most of his evening standard columns Nirpal ends with saying that his thoughts are echo’d by the majority of Asian Men, and thats just the way it is.

      That column in itself just makes him look like a plum, but its the other ones that can spawn claims of “destroying Asian men”.

    28. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 1:30 pm  

      Afraid? Let me at it! (Sorry, that’s the meat talking)

    29. Jagdeep — on 16th August, 2006 at 1:40 pm  

      Are his Evening Standard columns online?

    30. Kismet Hardy — on 16th August, 2006 at 3:15 pm  

      My impression of Nirpal Singh Dhaliwall:

      As I sit watching the endless array of buxom blonde beauties while brushing up on my alliteration and idly flicking through my Roget’s, I can only feel a surge of sympathy at all those weak men who don’t understand what it is to be a real man. I realised my cock was a powerful tool at the age of four, when I masturbated over Wonder Woman and realised that what women really want is Superman. Not the Nietzche type, although I’ve seen it in the bookshop and noted down how to spell it and plan to read it once I finish the literary behemoth that is the Beano, but men who wear real underpants. Like me. I shag birds you know. It’s like, men want to be me and women want to be with me. I don’t know where this gift comes from. I’m joking, of course. I know everything. Except why the sky is sometimes blue and sometimes dark. I’m deep like that. Unlike those Muslims, who aren’t real men at all. I bet they don’t wank nearly as much as me

    31. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 3:37 pm  

      what makes it different from your funny but smutty posts? honest question

    32. Billy — on 16th August, 2006 at 3:55 pm  

      “Well ALL men can achieve orgasm without a woman but it feels a lot better to achieve it with a woman, right? So the same is true for how women feel about their orgasms ie: they’d rather reach one with a man than by themself.”

      That is true, but that’s not what he’s saying, he’s saying it’s all about men dominating women. Which is bollocks. You wouldn’t say the reverse is true, women dominating men through their orgasms. So why should it be true for women?

    33. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 3:59 pm  

      Nah… women dominate men through sex, full stop… not every women can climax, and certainly not all of the time… ahem, from what I’ve read in the dentist waiting room

    34. David T — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:02 pm  

      …nor afraid to perform cunnilingus

      +++++++++THREAD CLOSURE++++++++++++++++++
      +++++++PLEASE MOVE ALONG+++++++++++++++++
      ++++++NOTHING TO SEE HERE+++++++++++++++++

    35. Jagdeep — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:03 pm  

      I don’t think he’s saying that Billy. he’s talking about the dynamics of sex and sexual roles within a relationship. I think he’s actually saying something quite insightful, which causes lefty wimps to choke on their tofu and misconstrue it as a call to ‘domination’ (hey what’s wrong with sexual domination anyway in a relationship the roles you play should be fluid anyway)

      No if you’ll excuse me I have to hunt some animals and then club the missus over the head and drag her back into the cave by her ponytail or it’ll be raw meat for dinner again.

    36. David T — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:12 pm  

      Sunny will be eating sushi

    37. David T — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:12 pm  

      I immediately regret posting that.

    38. Don — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:13 pm  


    39. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:17 pm  

      might as well lick an oyster

    40. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:17 pm  

      wish i hadn’t said that

    41. David T — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:21 pm  

      Interestingly, I had fabulous sushi for lunch, with my wife*

      I did have some oysters last week, in France: although it isn’t sensible to eat them during the summer months, as oysters sex-differentiate and spawn in August, and accordingly taste unpleasantly of shelfish gonads.


      * this is not a euphemism. The restaurant is Tajima Tei in Leather Lane**.

      ** this is not a euphemism either.

    42. Chairwoman — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:35 pm  

      Sunny and Kismet Hardy - naughty corner please!

    43. Sunny — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:37 pm  

      Oh man… this does no good for my reputation as a serious media commentator.

    44. Kismet Hardy — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:42 pm  

      “what makes it different from your funny but smutty posts? honest question”

      I don’t think I’m important

      He doesn’t think he’s a 24-carat twat who can’t write for shit

    45. Sunny — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:44 pm  

      Chairwoman - I was only trying to defend muesli-eating, soya milk-drinking, tofu-eating lefty vegetarians :(

    46. Chairwoman — on 16th August, 2006 at 4:46 pm  

      Sunny - being in the naughty corner stops serious media commentators taking themselves TOO seriously.

      Kismet Hardy - I agree wholeheartedly.

    47. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 5:01 pm  

      I read more of your stuff Kismet, than I do his, so.. I guess you are important

    48. Kismet Hardy — on 16th August, 2006 at 5:08 pm  

      El Cid, I’d pay you good money to tell that to my mum. Every day, all I get is: ‘You’re a nothing, no one cares about you, your father didn’t leave for a packet of cigarettes and never return, he’s been upstairs for the past seven years ignoring you, you’re too much of a nothing to ever make an honest sheep of that doll’

      You’ve made my gay

    49. El Cid — on 16th August, 2006 at 5:14 pm  

      I see where you get the style from!

    50. Kismet Hardy — on 16th August, 2006 at 5:30 pm  

      Aw gush. You think I have style

    51. David T — on 16th August, 2006 at 5:35 pm  

      You have grace

      (Rita Hayworth gave good face)

    52. Leon — on 16th August, 2006 at 5:41 pm  

      Yeah know, I’m beginning to think we need a midweek open thread to let off steam in…!;)

    53. Clairwil — on 16th August, 2006 at 5:51 pm  

      Can we please all shout who’s the boss? every time we see Liz or Nirpal. I realise they’re both beyond embarrassment but surely even they’ll get fed up with the ridicule and disappear.

    54. Sunny — on 16th August, 2006 at 5:53 pm  

      being in the naughty corner stops serious media commentators taking themselves TOO seriously.

      Heh, point taken.

    55. Don — on 16th August, 2006 at 7:39 pm  

      Clairwil, I asked my wife ‘Who’s the boss?’ at her height of passion and she said ‘Bruce Springsteen’.

      We won the pub quiz, but were barred for a month.

    56. Katy Newton — on 16th August, 2006 at 8:51 pm  

      My goodness you are all badly behaved this evening. I am shocked. Shocked.

      Sunny, in retrospect are you regretting putting a :P after the word “cunnilingus”?

    57. Sunny — on 16th August, 2006 at 9:10 pm  

      Omg! I didn’t even think about that. That’s it. My career is over. I will now commit suicide from embarassment.

    58. Parma Violets — on 16th August, 2006 at 9:17 pm  

      Why does nothing this cunt writes make any sense?

      So apparently feminism destroyed men’s ability to bring their wives to orgasm. Duh… no, Dhaliwal, you simpleton, feminism promoted the existence of the female orgasm. Before feminism, no-one was really sure it existed. And most women I know find that it’s generally ‘post-feminist men’ who know how to bring them to orgasm, as opposed to knuckle-draggers like Dhaliwal who probably can’t even find the clitoris yet, despite the fact that it *sticks out*.

      Him and Liz Jones live in the same house, I assume? Is it too late to order a nuclear strike on that building? Whatever’s in there - whatever terrible, horrifying things there might be - they can’t be allowed to spread. One day, they might breed. Can you imagine the horror that would bring? What if, in thirty years time, your adorable children are sitting on your lap, and they say, “Daddy, why didn’t you kick Nirpal Dhaliwal in the balls when you had the chance?” You know it makes sense.

    59. Chairwoman — on 16th August, 2006 at 9:25 pm  

      Sunny - does your Mum read this blog?

    60. Sunny — on 16th August, 2006 at 10:01 pm  

      (Has already committed hara-kiri… but the answer is thankfully no)

    61. Katy Newton — on 16th August, 2006 at 10:28 pm  

      Thank goodness Mrs Hundal can’t see the filth her baby boy peddles on this seemingly innocuous website.

    62. Jackie Brown — on 16th August, 2006 at 11:03 pm  

      Foolish me- I actually read his book. Thank goodness it was borrowed/not bought! Actually he may have a point about some so called 1st world women outsourcing their procreative needs to Africa/Asia. He totally irritated me in his “analysis”- word used lightly of Afro-American culture with his breakdown on class differences stylized in the television show - Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. In the book a wealthy (Guji/Hindu) girl was supposed to have so much in common with his broke ‘He Ho’ Punjabi/Sikh self. But Afro Americans from diff. economic classes was a deep gulf that could never be crossed?? He also opined that Trinidadian blacks were ‘better’ than Jamaicans because of the *uplifting* Asian influence. Pity someone doesn’t uplift him.

      What a dumb ass.

    63. Kismet Hardy — on 16th August, 2006 at 11:09 pm  

      Parma Violets: ha ha

      Jackie Brown: Dunno how you got to the end. I threw my copy away in a rage. And I promised I’d never do that after I threw my copy of Tony Parsons’ Man & Bollocks on a train and hit a lady squarely on the forehead

    64. AsifB — on 17th August, 2006 at 10:49 am  

      Its only because I’m a Londoner and read the Evening Nazi that I’ve even heard of Mr. Dhaliwhal and Ms. Jones.

      Yup, his views are usually not well thought through but he is a bit more readable and no more self obssessed than some of the Oxbridge types litterring the pages of broadsheets. He does have a kneejerk tendency to label Muslims as ‘less integrated’ than Sikhs and Hindus which seems more based on his own upbringing and desire to please his Daily Mail audience, than objective observation. (Goodness Gracious Me’s ‘St. John’s and Coopers’ nailed the flaw in his approach for British Asians years ago)

      Being an indulgent sort, I like to think Nirpal means well and sometimes like those infinite monkeys typing Shakespere he does get it right - in last night’s Standard for instance he rightly told ‘Syed Ahmed from the Apprentice’ off for chauvinist and apparently hypocritical remarks about wanting his girlfriend, contest winner Michelle Dewberry to convert to Islam and dress modestly.

      Looking at this another way, maybe Nirpal’s just jealous. Consider which one out of Nirpal and Syed has integrated better (and is more likley to be appreciated by the type of xenophobic white flight eastenders who migrated to essex years ago and like Tebbit’s cricket test.)

      Syed - Brought up in the East End + never misses a chance to go on about it - tick!
      - Moves to Essex (Chingford) at first opportunity- tick
      - flashy wide boy dress sense - tick!
      - Drink driving charge - tick!
      -’knocked up a popular blonde’ - tick
      - interviewed by police for fraud - tick

      Versus - Toyboy for slightly bonkers older woman who only met him because the BBC sent him to interview her, whilst employing him under one of those p.c ethnic quota schemes that he loves to choose to deride…

    65. Jav — on 17th August, 2006 at 11:24 am  

      Yesterday in the Evening Standard I found out that Konnie Huq had been dating Richard Bacon for 7 years. Why did nobody tell me! I think we should hold-up Konnie, Syed, Faria Alam (lets face it they make life interesting) as the kind of role models we want for tomorrow!

    66. Rakhee — on 17th August, 2006 at 12:23 pm  

      Nirpal is suffering from the writer’s equivalent of short mans syndrome. He thinks that by shouting louder without paying attention to content, it will make up for his ’shortcomings’.

      I think he’s completely insecure and it shows in what he writes. He holds NO power against his wife, I have NO idea what on earth she sees in him and there is NO use for this sponging, unintelligent, classless man on this planet.

      Putting aside for one minute the gag reflex I have at the thought of having sex with the gimp, my general rule is that people who go round telling others how good they are at it, more often than not are bullshitting. If you’re that good, there’s no need to say a word. Trust me, we women will find out, word spreads and the man becomes a legend.

      Nirpal on the other hand has become an urban joke.

      Somebody get this man a PR.

    67. AsifB — on 17th August, 2006 at 2:12 pm  

      Jav no.65 : I agree about ‘role models’, especially given Syed lives so close to ‘the plotter’s’.

      Curious to ask What use would the information that ‘Konnie Huq had been dating Richard Bacon for 7 years’ have been to you though?

    68. Jav — on 17th August, 2006 at 2:20 pm  

      Note on 67 (Asif): I’ve been sending love letters to Konnie for the past 5 years trying to persuade her to marry me (hopeless romantic!) - perhaps I’m in with a chance now?

    69. AsifB — on 17th August, 2006 at 2:25 pm  

      Jav (no.68) I’m sure you’re more deserving than Nirpal Dhaliwal. Just watch out for that Kismet.

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