If I ruled the world…


by Sunny
30th July, 2006 at 4:47 pm    

Ha! You thought I was going to reveal my grand plan didn’t you? Or maybe you didn’t *cough*. Anyway, now you can tell the world what you would do if given the chance, by some bizarre stroke of bad luck, to rule the world. Clairwil has created an interesting new blog called Postcard Manifesto, which doubles up as a social experiment, and invites people to send in postcards with their ideas. I just need to find a postcard big enough to contain my manifesto. Suffice to say it will contain the words “free chocolate”. What about you?


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  1. Vikrant — on 30th July, 2006 at 5:24 pm  

    hmm lets see… a zillion things… i’d actually have to send more postards than my fella townsmen send in a whole year.. tho i’m pretty sure tat it wuld contain something about banning pink and forcing everybody to read my articles.

  2. sonia — on 30th July, 2006 at 5:58 pm  

    i would hate to rule. all the fun of being an anarchist would be taken away.

    seriously though – the experiment sounds like a good one. we might find we’ve more wannabe dictators in our midst than we realize.

  3. Vladimir — on 30th July, 2006 at 6:11 pm  

    bit serious here, but here it goes…

    If I ruled the world, I would ensure everyone got free education and other public amenities, as well as free Cornish pasties and pints of beer(don’t ask why). This would be before I gave back the power to the proletarians of course .

  4. sonia — on 30th July, 2006 at 6:20 pm  

    if one ruled the world, one would probably be so bored of being able to do anything what with the principle of relativity in happiness an all..yep bored and jaded and probably become psychotic to try and get any kind of stimulation. frankly it would be an unpleasant prospect. like having all the money in the world and not being able to appreciate it, and longing to be able to feel what it was like as a kid and you got some little treat worth very little money – ah but yielded up such pleasure..

  5. Nusrat — on 30th July, 2006 at 6:24 pm  

    Sunny,

    My comment is on the Amartya Sen post, where you professed to be a huge admirer of the dismal scientist.

    Can you be anymor pretentious?

    Aren’t you the same guy, who until very recently didn’t even know that he is an Economist? Indeed, you claimed that he is a chemistry guy.

  6. Don — on 30th July, 2006 at 6:30 pm  

    1. Introduction of Identity Scratch Cards.

    2. Rev. Dwayne Love as sole arbiter of religious disputes.

    3. Kiwi fruit re-classified as a Class A drug. Magic mushrooms re-classified as Kiwi fruit.

    4. Golf to be re-named Annoying Twatballgame.

  7. Nyrone — on 30th July, 2006 at 9:24 pm  

    I think ‘ruling’ would probably be an anthesis of what the world would need. If anything, we need less people stamping their interpretation of Heaven or Peace onto others.

    In an ideal world, dumb suffering wouldn’t be the dark well from which we all draw silence.
    Nobody would be at the mercy of somebody else’s fate.
    In an ideal world, everything would be it’s own purpose and nothing would lead to anything.
    people would be more kind, responsible and empathetic towards others, and individuals would learn to find the ecstacy of their purpose.

    I would also hope that all people would admit to not having possession of the ultimate objective ‘truth’
    Because a real open society cannot function when a group of people feel inclined to patent ‘truth’ as exclusively theirs, and then go around ‘spreading’ it.

  8. Sunny — on 30th July, 2006 at 11:00 pm  

    Nusrat – I haven’t seen the comment. Was it on the London talk post? It’s not there as far as I can see. I am a big fan of what he says, and yes that was a mistake I made while writing late at night. Hardly makes me pretentious, but you’re welcome to think what you like.

  9. sonia — on 31st July, 2006 at 12:37 am  

    good points nyrone

  10. mirax — on 31st July, 2006 at 8:33 am  

    I discovered my own tyrannical tendencies when I went on an extended OBS (outward bound) course. Here it is run along militaristic lines – no personal possessions, no outside contact,regimented schedule, strict rules etc- and I became section leader. Overnight, I turned from the slackest of slackers into a rather cold-eyed, single-minded “leader” convinced that the survival of the group depended on solely me. The girls who had sneaked lip balm and sunscreeen lotion into their packs ( we were sailing and I of course followed the rules blindly) instead of emergency rations got a shelling when we were ‘marooned’ on a island with all our food supplies missing. I had no sense of perspective of all and lost my sense of humour. I thus know that I will make a very good dictator;-)

    If I ruled the world,

    only women can own property;

    the swords into ploughshares stuff becomes real and the global defence spending is turned over to the provision of clean drinking water, basic healthcare and nutrition and a rock-solid focus on primary education;

    gambling is banned;

    musuems and public libraries become the new temples and cathedrals;

    all religious leaders must wear dunce caps when carrying their roles in public, all religious texts marked with health warnings like cigarette packs -’This piece of fiction can seriously damage your mental faculties’- but no other restrictions on religious activity;

    Just for starters.

  11. sonia — on 31st July, 2006 at 10:16 am  

    mirax – :-) heh heeh. the “extended OBS (outward bound) course” sounds like a bloody nightmare! was it voluntary..?

  12. Rakhee — on 31st July, 2006 at 1:27 pm  

    Free chocolate? *Rakhee’s eye’s light up – looks around frantically*. Where?

    Starter for 10:

    1. I’d make it my business to balance out the extremeties between the rich and poor
    2. George Bush would not be president of the US.
    3. Include spirituality as a module in all school curriculums – we focus on the mind and body – what about the soul?
    4. Anyone who committed murder, rape or paedophilic crimes would be crucified along with those who kill tigers, seals and other beautiful, protected species for money
    5. Hold conferences about important issues, but with kids. it never fails to amaze me how we think we know what the next generation wants in this world without even engaging in conversation with them
    6. Ensure that every single person has access to clean water
    7. ban nirpal dhaliwal singh from ever writing again
    8. ban pregnant women from smoking
    9. only allow plastic surgery in cases of deformity or accidents. i’m sick of seeing plastic people
    10. bring back the Jester in my kingdom. I for one love to laugh and the idea of my own personal comedian is very cool.

    Oh and, yes, chocolate would definitely be freely available to all. Especially me.

  13. CJC — on 31st July, 2006 at 1:48 pm  

    Judging by the above, I would not let the meglomaniacal Rakhee anywhere near the levers of power…!

  14. Rakhee — on 31st July, 2006 at 1:59 pm  

    Meglomaniac? That’s not very nice :(

    I may be a little crazy but hey, there ain’t no shame in it and it’s a requirement for Picklers anyway.

    Humph.

  15. sonia — on 31st July, 2006 at 2:48 pm  

    he heh – “4. Anyone who committed murder, rape or paedophilic crimes would be crucified along with those who kill tigers, seals and other beautiful, protected species for money” right so the crucifier then gets crucified and so on and on?

    ban pregnant women from smoking – shouldn’t you in that case also ban cars in case some exhaust fumes get near a pregnant woman? ..

  16. Rakhee — on 31st July, 2006 at 3:32 pm  

    Sonia :)
    The pregnant woman one is a personal bug bear of mine. I can’t bear it when I see a woman with a child growing within her happily puffing away. You can almost hear her say “fancy a fag little one? there you go. be careful now, one puff at a time”. Grrr.

  17. mirax — on 31st July, 2006 at 4:31 pm  

    If you like your funnies Raakhee, check out this video on Harry hutton’s blog(always entertaining btw):

    http://chasemeladies.blogspot.com/2006_07_01_chasemeladies_archive.html

    I was rolling on the floor laughing. TEFL racket indeed.

  18. sonia — on 31st July, 2006 at 4:35 pm  

    rakhee – i know what you mean :-)

  19. Rakhee — on 31st July, 2006 at 4:47 pm  

    Mirax – i am crying with laughter from that one. I think you get my (dry) sense of humour very well.

    Hilarious, thank you!

  20. Kismet Hardy — on 31st July, 2006 at 6:14 pm  

    If I ruled the world I’d like to be really, really tall, like a giant perhaps with really good vision, or at least have a huge fuck-off spaceships, so I can see what’s going on in the world. I’d use my giant boots to stamp out all forms of explosives and all things that kill people, but mostly I’d like all female showers to be fitted with cameras so my all seeing eye can watch jiggling boobs being lathered

  21. Kismet Hardy — on 31st July, 2006 at 6:16 pm  

    And I might accidently squish James Blunt, Daniel Beddingfield, Craig David and Paris Hilton in one fell swoop. Oh and I want George Bush’s clothes to fall off during a public speeach and then zap him for hours

  22. Rakhee — on 31st July, 2006 at 6:40 pm  

    Lol. If what I said makes me a meglamaniac, what the hell are you Kismet?

    I love the George Bush idea. I’m sure there’s a game or viral in that somewhere.

    Not sure about wanting to see everything though. There are some mingers around which I def would not want to see in the shower, or fully clothed for that matter….

  23. Kismet Hardy — on 31st July, 2006 at 6:44 pm  

    Anyone who wants to rule the world is a megalomaniac

    Anyone who wants to spy on bathing women is a pervert

    Together, we are pervomaniacs, or megaloverts

    Either way, we should adjoin ourselves as closely as possible

  24. Kismet Hardy — on 31st July, 2006 at 6:44 pm  

    I mean we should fuck

  25. Rakhee — on 31st July, 2006 at 6:50 pm  

    *Rakhee reaches for ‘Guide to seducing women’ and hands discreetly to Kismet*

  26. Amit — on 1st August, 2006 at 3:43 pm  

    Free chocolate?? Yeah right sunnerz!! Your manifesto would be free alcohol and easy women! :p

  27. Sunny — on 1st August, 2006 at 4:10 pm  

    Free chocolate comes after the wine and women! ;)

  28. Leon — on 1st August, 2006 at 4:32 pm  

    Free chocolate can help get the women.;)

  29. Rohin — on 1st August, 2006 at 5:51 pm  

    I’d legalise dope.

    That is all.

    You see Kismet stole my giant idea; I’d basically like to be the huge Bender from that Fing Longer episode of Futurama and go around destroying cities with my fists. You know, like Voltron or those dudes in Power Rangers. This world is beyond saving, so I feel the only thing I’d enjoy would be destroying it so that humans die out and perhaps a new race of nicer things evolve a million years down the line.

    But then, I’d be lonely. I will have killed all the people worth talking to, I’d have nowhere to buy food from and I’d get bored. Destroying the world is probably not the answer. Hence…

    I’d legalise dope.

  30. sonia — on 1st August, 2006 at 5:54 pm  

    Yeah Rohin that’s great! i’m sure bill hicks would go for that one..

  31. Don — on 1st August, 2006 at 6:18 pm  

    You mean it ain’t legal? (hastily stubbs out spliff and phones confession to cops.)

  32. Rohin — on 1st August, 2006 at 6:26 pm  

    Don, I liked your ideas when I first read this thread.

    Now I review your suggestions and I realise why. We both made drugs part of our manifesto. Pass the duchy blud.

  33. Don — on 1st August, 2006 at 8:25 pm  

    Thanks, and while Bill Hicks (PBUH) is mentioned, let the motto of the New World Order be;

    ‘…thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.’

  34. El Cid — on 1st August, 2006 at 10:10 pm  

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. compulsory daily play time and annual beach holidays with lots of ice cream for all children plus 40 days off a year for every working adult…. compulsory economics lessons for all lefties and compulsory work placements around the world for righties to build up their empathy and develop their souls.. tax credits for everyone over the age of 16 who votes and can give a reason for their choice… one day off a week for all mothers of young children… the realisation by Americans that dumb is another word for “stoopid” rather than “folksy”… Osama takes it up the jacksy from his number 2 and the video is aired on al-Jazeera… Sharon wakes up from his coma as the Messiah spreading love across the fucked up Middle East… the mysterious disappearance of Ramon Abramovitch and Tony Blair and the return to PP of Jay Singh and Colonel Mustapha.. Spain win the World Cup, England win it too, and Arsenal are proclaimed champions of Europe 5 times in a row, all in the next 8 years.. an end to house makeover, Big Brother and other fly-on-the-wall shows on TV .. air conditioning on the tube and an end to sex rations for all husbands plus at least 10 blow jobs a year… an end to references to Haringey and a return to the correct spelling of Harringay… compulsory state school quotas for all top UK universities and an end to the charity status of private schools (and the return of grammars)… a multi-billion pound research programme into making fags and spliffs safe …

  35. El Cid — on 1st August, 2006 at 10:11 pm  

    of course I meant Roman, and not his well known Argy cousin

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