It’s hot, it’s sticky, it’s the weekend, it’s a thread. You know what to do.
Oh, all right, all right, I know that doesn’t really cut it. It is just that the heat is so hot today and I feel rather listless and floppy and really only in the mood for lying around whilst tall, handsome, muscle-bound men (who, for the record, can be fair, dark, black African or navy blue, I am not picky) bring me delicious iced drinks and peel grapes for me and feed me icecream and so on.
Normally I ban anything topical, serious or political from the weekend hot and sticky thread. However, I am going to break my own rule and, following on from Rohin’s post, add that being fair really is not all it’s cracked up to be. Being a redhead, and therefore about as fair as it gets, I am not really equipped to cope with heat. Whilst other girls happily peel off their clothes and frolic in the noon sun, slowly turning a smooth caramel brown, I can be spotted skulking pinkly in the background shade shrouded in a floppy hat and big baggy shirt, unless I coat myself in Factor 50 sunblock, which is thick and white like gloss paint and makes me look as if I have coated myself from top to toe in full-fat Philadelphia, which is not really the look to which I aspire. And I daren’t forget to apply it. Last Saturday I forgot to put any sunblock on and was trapped in traffic in an open-top car for almost an hour. At first it was all fine. Then the redness began. By the time the wedding had finished I was quite warm. By the time the dancing began I was bright red and sore across my chest, arms and shoulders, except for a diagonal stripe across my chest where my seatbelt was. I was referred to as the Human Stop Sign all evening on the Saturday. Oh how
they we laughed. And all because of an hour in the sun.
Still, this weekend will be better. The terrible burns have faded, I have a blind date tomorrow afternoon and I intend to spend the rest of the weekend doing some serious lolling. What is everyone else doing?
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Filed in: Current affairs