Al Qaeda in Trojan elephant shocker

by Rohin on 6th May, 2006 at 12:15 am    

WREUTERS: An audacious terrorist plot has been uncovered as Al Qaeda infiltrate London in a huge mechanical elephant.

The nation’s capital was today the scene of a terrorist strike the likes of which have not been seen since, ooh 1184 BC. A collosal wooden beast made its way towards Parliament and Horseguard’s Parade, somewhat reminiscent of a giant HORSE used by TROJANS which is popularly referred to as ‘the giant horse used by Trojans’. Suspicions first arose when detectives at Scotland Yard uncovered that ‘The Sultan’s Elephant’ had a Muslim-sounding name. When the monster appeared it was clear that the carving was ISLAMIC and special assault teams were deployed. The resultant scenes were far short of horrific. Soon afterwards, an evil missile landed in London and a passing hairdresser is quoted as saying he was confident it was “nuclear”. From within it emerged a female messenger of death, presumably the first graduate of Al Qaeda’s new emancipated women’s college.

A suicide bomber/halal beef eater offers praise before the battle

Pachy-derm. Paki-stan. Coincidence?

Draw a line from the tusks to the head to the tower to the other one to the orange guy to the London Eye to the red guy to the tail to the window to the roof. What do you see? It’s obvious isn’t it? It says ‘holy jihaad’.

Flying hat and goggles, or burqa of death and a crude attempt to disguise a bomber’s identity? It was an ingenious disguise, the inability to see this terrorist’s face meant police were left struggling to find an unidentified thirty foot tall woman.

‘The Sultan’. Turban – check. Knife – check. Plane crashing into building motif – check. Arrest this motherfucker.

Pickled Politics can exclusively reveal that this is merely the latest in a string of ambitious and ultimately uniformly unsuccessful attempts on London’s capital city, London. The latest was the infamous ‘whale of terror’ who commited suicide outside Parliament, thankfully failing to detonate his explosives. He had forgotten that whales possess no fingers with which to press the detonate button. His legacy lives on as ‘The Sultan’ carried his depiction under his left arm.

Speculation and wild conjecture at this stage point to a Home Office mishap. Charles Clarke seems to have unwittingly released all the terrorists involved in this assault as they were well behaved. He should, of course, have deported them all back to their birthplace of Cuba.

PP will keep you posted. Well, maybe.

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16 Comments below   |  

1. Amir — on 6th May, 2006 at 1:20 am  

   Rohin,
   Congratulations! This psychadelic article is so crazy it might as well be track 3. on Captain Beefheart’s Trout Mask Replica. Way de’ go! It’s good to see that Asian medical students aren’t put off by the recent illegalization of magic mushrooms [I, personally, prefer the Mexican variety to the Colombian: but that’s just personal preference].

2. Amir — on 6th May, 2006 at 1:23 am  

   And thank you for the personal re-assurance…

   I thought to myself: Amir, you sad bastard, staying in on a Friday night.

   But alas, I have dear Rohin to keep me company!

3. Rohin — on 6th May, 2006 at 1:33 am  

   I thought to myself: Amir, you sad bastard, staying in on a Friday night.

   I’m working, what’s your excuse?

4. Amir — on 6th May, 2006 at 1:47 am  

   Your working? Good man.

   I’m watching old episodes of Lost, before ‘episode 4′ of Season 2. on Tuesday.

   In the meantime, I’m writing an essay on how George W. Bush and Paul Bremer III fucked up the reconstruction / counterinsurgency in Iraq (although I supported the war myself…making me very unpopular with many people! )

5. Amir — on 6th May, 2006 at 1:53 am  

   Lost Season 2 is very, very creepy though.

   If you’ve never seen it, then see it

   Probably the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen on a TV.

6. Soultrain — on 6th May, 2006 at 12:02 pm  

   And here I was thinking that some kind of circus had to come to town!

7. Rohin — on 6th May, 2006 at 12:09 pm  

   Now Al Qaeda are using computer games!

8. Rohin — on 6th May, 2006 at 12:41 pm  

   Hey Soultrain just got your MMS of the spaceship! I mean, missile of furious terror.

9. sonia — on 6th May, 2006 at 3:45 pm  

   Great! this also reminds me to blog this. Apparently its taken like 6 years or sth to plan this thing and get the permissions from all the local authorities…

10. El Cid — on 6th May, 2006 at 3:51 pm  

    Errrm… Don’t want to be a spoil sport but I don’t think the lawyers at Reuters will be too happy.

11. Rohin — on 6th May, 2006 at 4:00 pm  

    El Cid, just in case you’re right, I’ve changed it.

12. Sunny — on 6th May, 2006 at 4:04 pm  

    Ha ha! Nice….

13. El Cid — on 6th May, 2006 at 4:16 pm  

    like dat

14. El Cid — on 6th May, 2006 at 4:23 pm  

    and yet when you click on the home page link, it reverts

15. Amir — on 6th May, 2006 at 4:58 pm  

    OH MY GOD,
    That guy in the plane-cum-guitar-cum-turban is ME!

    As you can see, I’m no looker.
    

16. Indigo Jo Blogs — on 8th May, 2006 at 8:21 am  

    Al-Qa’ida’s trojan elephant…

    Pickled Politics � Al Qaeda in Trojan elephant shocker A humorous write-up of this weekend’s London attraction: a huge mechanical elephant which paraded down various London streets, squirting spectators with water (at least I hope it was water) as i…

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