Solidarity, on International Women’s Day
From my latest article on the Guardian website
I suppose I became a feminist when I witnessed domestic violence at close proximity. Within Asian families, I’m sad to say, violence against women can be rife. How that statistically compares with white families I don’t know, but I’m pretty confident in saying there are deep-rooted cultural traditions that value men more than women and let them get away with minor and major sexism against women.
I’m going to play the race card here for a bit, because I think it’s worth doing. Asian men are terribly bad at feminism. I say this not because I derive some sadistic pleasure at bashing Asian men, but because there is very little support for Asian women who face violence or intimidation at home. I’ve also made two documentaries (here and here) that bear out the facts that the situation is grim.
Saying all this is pretty easy. But there are important caveats. As Nesrine Malik pointed out earlier, women play an important role in perpetuating that imbalance between the sexes.
Second, you may not be surprised to hear then that I have no time for accusations of racism or “lacking cultural sensitivity” when social services try to deal with problems such as forced marriages. As far as I’m aware, the harsher the punishment for parents who try to force their children into marriages, the better.
However, the situation does get murkier when perceived “outsiders” are involved. How shall I put this? A lot of well-meaning people care about the rights of women across the world for the right reasons. However there is an equally vociferous contingent that use women’s rights as a tool to push their own agendas.
The forced marriages example is perhaps a good one. Our media and politicians frequently cover this heinous practice in the UK, yet the same level of outrage is never afforded to thousands of white women who also face domestic violence. Furthermore, there is never really that much outrage, except among feminists, when women are routinely subjected to outright sexism or sexual bullying at school.
But let’s be frank about this. On the web it’s incredibly difficult to get people to sympathise in the causes of others that may suggest their own tribe is at fault. The Israel/Palestine debates are a prime example, but this happens frequently with topics on feminism too. Ending violence against women should be a straightforward feelgood goal, but it frequently gets caught up in “whataboutery” along the lines of: “But who will stand up for the poor oppressed men?”
However, as my fellow blogger Laurie Penny once put it rather brilliantly:
A crucial mistake that continues to be made is the fallacy that acknowledging male gender oppression somehow invalidates the whole concept behind feminism. It does not. However, across the debate sphere for decades the cry ‘but men don’t have it easy either!’ has been taken as a direct attack on feminism – and sometimes it has even been meant as one. Otherwise perfectly intelligent commentators descend into petty fights over whose gender oppression trumps whose, not realising that everyone’s gender oppression is equally valid, not understanding that the expression of someone’s struggle is not an attack on everyone else’s.
So in the same way I feel it’s important for me to keep creating a fuss about forced marriages and the existence of domestic violence within Asian families, it is right that feminists keep drumming the message that our society is nowhere as equal as it should be. That is the only way to shift attitudes and force people to acknowledge the extent of the problem in each case.
So yeah, let’s unite – men and women – to acknowledge there is a problem and our society’s attitudes perpetuate that problem. That’s the least we can do on International Women’s Day this Sunday.
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Filed in: Cultural Relativism, Sex equality
http://www.oneten.org.uk
Good to see this go up. I am taking part in a number of activities over the weekend to mark the day.
My earliest memory of being on a demonstration in London was sometime when I was 6 and the youth workers made us work on individual embroideries of our faces to mark us out as young women of the future. All the portraits got stitched up into a massive tapestry banner on a march on international women’s day.
Of coarse it’s not just a day in the calendar – it’s symbolic of the many days where women suffer the violation of their rights – in the most vulgar, habitual, ritual and exploitative of ways. And then there’s the c word – which in my books is a word I don’t like to use much – culture. And the excuses that go with it to justify the violation of rights.
I am particularly upset this year as domestic violence and violence against women seems to be the norm in Nepal. Two weeks ago a friend came to me in tears, a male friend, said his sister had been killed. It was devastating news. I was about to get on a plane to go to London and the news hit me like a juggernaut.
His sister was in an abusive relationship, married to a cousin of sort, mother of a 3 year-old, she was beaten severely the night before, had hot oil poured over her body and was then made to drink something toxic which eventually killed her. The cause of death was officially poisoning.
The local police allegedly were spectators with the villagers as the husband and the extended family abused her.
I am told this sort of thing happens all the time in Nepal, which is true. I am sickened. The police most likely won’t do anything as they treat domestic violence as a personal matter between man and wife. We’ve reported the murder to the national human rights NGO here that works to stamp out domestic violence in Nepal.
She died. It was personal but it was also a crime. The old feminist slogan comes to mind, ‘the personal is the political’ and this is why laws need to be challenged and changed so that crimes committed by husbands and extended kin are recognized as crimes, no more, no less.
Amnesty International’s corporate campaign at the moment is on doemstic violence. I heard this young fundraiser outside Top Shop trying to find a new supporter and the pitch was all around domestic violence . I think their headline message at the women is ‘rape is cheaper than a bullet’ for theri campaign on violence against women.
I still remember the amazing posters the Metropolitan Police published on the walls of the Tube on ‘how easy it is to walk away from domestic violence..’ a few years ago. Bring them back, please.
Ooops. Quite a typo.
I think their headline message at the women is ‘rape is cheaper than a bullet’ for theri campaign on violence against women
Should read:
I think their headline message at the MOMENT is ‘rape is cheaper than a bullet’ for their campaign on violence against women
I noticed Liberal Conspiracy has a thread going on this, Sunny, well done again.
It’s good that you’ve turned your experience around into something positive. A great piece, especially as the Equality and Human Rights commission have just published a report saying that the services that BME women get is just really poor and sub-standard..
‘How shall I put this? A lot of well-meaning people care about the rights of women across the world for the right reasons. However there is an equally vociferous contingent that use women’s rights as a tool to push their own agendas.’
Very well said. Some of the worst racists I know come over remarkably feminist when challenged on the racism by a woman. As if it’s impossible to condemn certain cultural practices without condeming entire cultures and people.
Its great that we have such a day and others like it & have done so for many years. But the recession is having an added impact – crime figures relating to violence & abuse are increasing.
These events, on the whole, tend to be largely comprised of those who are enlightened & the few victims who have come out of the other side of it. I take it the Auntiji set (and males who are complicit whether by passivity/ silence or by active involvement) that we frequently talk about on PP did not attend this event or others like it.
Apart from introducing new legislation to tackle the symptons how do we stem the cause?
Basically we need to also directly target the Aunti-ji’s et al.
For example, the organisers to hold mini events on the nominated day at religious temples.