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  • Black comedian introduces John McCain

    by Sunny
    17th September, 2008 at 2:57 am    

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read today:

    What up, RNC!
    You white motherfuckers!
    This conference so white, Helen Mirren tried to snort it!

    Y’all the whitest white people in the history of white people. Even Barbara Bush sitting here right now going: ‘These are some white motherfuckers.’
    You’re so white, your vice presidential nominee got the word ‘pale’ in her name!
    (laughter, applause)

    Look at this place. I can’t believe this shit! Y’all couldn’t find one single brother?
    There is? Where?
    Yo, what up, brother! Looks like you the only chocolate chip in the cookie.
    You look like a fly in a glass of milk, yo. Swim! Swim for your life!

    Alaska in the house!
    Where the baby daddy at? Where he at?
    (crowd noise)
    You knocked her up, man? That’s cool. That’s cool.
    You know that word ‘abstinence’—you know that mean ‘no fucking,’ right?
    I guess they didn’t make that clear at the seminar.

    ‘So I just use this abstinence, that mean we can fuck all we want, right?’ No!
    But you know I feel you, man. I do. Because the fact is, you live in motherfucking Alaska! What else is there to do but fuck?
    Just fuck! That’s all there is to do! Just fuck!

    That’s all Alaska is. Just a bunch of crazy white people fucking!
    (sustained laughter and applause)
    And you know he got to marry that girl, too. Because … her momma done shot a moose.

    She shot a motherfucking moose! Put its head up on the wall and everything. That’s cold, man. That’s like Al Qaeda shit. Post that shit on the Internet as a warning to other moose.

    ’Cause when a girl’s momma shoot a moose, that’s, like, a red flag for me. I take that shit into consideration. I do! It’s like, ‘Yeah, you fine. No doubt. You real fine. And you got a great personality. And you drunk. But … ain’t your momma the one done shot a moose? I’ll be seeing you later on.’ I practice abstinence with moose-shooting-momma-having bitches.

    But it’s time to bring out the white man you’ve all been waiting for. This man is so white, he makes y’all look Mexican.
    He spent five long years locked up in a POW camp, and returned a national hero.
    And fucked every white woman in America.
    (sustained applause)
    ’Cause five years—that makes you horny. And women, they looove to fuck war heroes. Basically, if you were white and female in 1973, you were fucked by John McCain.

    (“USA! USA! USA!”)
    And then he married a fine rich white girl whose daddy owned a beer company.
    (laughter, applause)

    And he wants to be president? Sheeet, you already got money, beer and pussy! What the fuck you want with the presidency? Quit while you’re ahead! You’re 72 years old—just drink, fuck, and play golf, you dumb white motherfucker!
    (raucous laughter, applause)

    Ladies and gentlemen, the next President of the United States of America, John McCain!

                  Post to

    Filed in: Humour,Race politics,United States

    14 Comments below   |  

    Reactions: Twitter, blogs

    1. Jai — on 17th September, 2008 at 10:38 am  

      To echo what one of the commenters after the link said, I kept imagining Chris Rock’s voice when I read this.

    2. Amrit — on 17th September, 2008 at 10:45 am  

      Ditto what Jai said. MADE for Chris Rock! Brilliant ^_^.

    3. Sid — on 17th September, 2008 at 11:04 am  

      Is this serious?

      Please tell me that this is ironic. Please tell me its about Team McCain, who are so out of touch with good, intelligent black stand-up, they use any old awful, tired black comedian who rolls out a string of “yo mama so fat”, “you so white”, “black people and welfare checks” stereotype jokes that are tired as McCain is old. Like having Status Quo come on to do hiphop.

    4. platinum786 — on 17th September, 2008 at 1:39 pm  

      LOL… I can’t believe they did that!

      If I was white I’d be offended… as someone non white, I’m embarrassed.

    5. Sid — on 17th September, 2008 at 1:56 pm  

      The black comedian whose routine is only about racial stereotypes is a stereotype. There are better, smarter black comedians out there.

      Oh, and McCain is a loser.

    6. El Cid — on 17th September, 2008 at 3:44 pm  

      There are, you’re so right.

      I saw Chris Rock at the Hammersmith not that long ago. And while I found it funny, had it moved on from 1980s Eddie Murphy, let alone 1970s Richard Pryor? Not really. Not at all. Great show though.

      I really like Reginald D Hunter. I saw him off the back of some Standard article (before Have I Got News…). Very original.
      Stephen Amos is also cool and taken Black British commedy beyond Lenny Henry and Richard Blackwood (Thank God!!!!!!!!!!!).

    7. Leon — on 17th September, 2008 at 3:58 pm  

      El Cid did you see Chris Rock at the recent Hammersmith gig? I went on the Sunday and he was fantastic! :D

    8. Mezba — on 17th September, 2008 at 4:02 pm  

      Or perhaps Dave Chappel.

    9. El Cid — on 17th September, 2008 at 4:41 pm  

      Yes, I saw him on the day some joke team thumped a young version of my glorious team in some tinpot cup.

    10. marvin — on 17th September, 2008 at 4:58 pm  

      A bit amusing. Can’t say I find Chappelle funny though. Chris Rock is though.

      Ok, I think we should do one for Obama!

      “You bunch of black motherfuckers!…”

      Ok, maybe not…

    11. Jai — on 17th September, 2008 at 5:17 pm  

      One of the funniest and “most spot-on” things Chris Rock once said in his one of his live shows (out of a million other extremely funny remarks) when talking about the racism African-Amerians have to face was “I’m not afraid of Al-Qaeda. I’m afraid of Al Cracker !”.

      You know guys, we need a British Asian version of him, especially in our post-7/7 world (it would be interesting to see how a resurrected Goodness Gracious Me would deal with those issues too). Canadian desi Russell Peters is already around, of course, but I think we need someone swearier, louder and more hardcore when it comes to talking about the really touchy controversial issues involved in modern Asian life.


      Does anyone else here like Omid Djalili ? His stand-up stuff is much better than his “sketches” were during his recent stint on the Beeb. Channel 4 also showed one of his live gigs last week — there was a really funny (and, again, spot-on) joke about how he was panicking in the airport when he saw some apparently shifty-looking Arab guys, and when he looked around to see how everyone else was reacting to them, it turned out that they were all staring at him !

    12. digitalcntrl — on 18th September, 2008 at 3:03 am  

      Well Obama is back on top….

    13. Kismet Hardy — on 18th September, 2008 at 11:55 am  

      Richard Prior lived and died for nothing

    14. The Dude — on 26th September, 2008 at 12:55 pm  


      Curse your motherfucking golden brown ass for making me laugh so much. God bless you and all your kin.

      I saw Chris Rock at the 02 and though he was really, really funny, sitting way up in the aisle’s made it a really painful experience. Never again!

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