A guide to Premier League-speak for foreigners
With the saga of Liverpool midfielder Javier Mascherano’s sending off for repeated verbal abuse showing no signs of abating, it seems to me that we need to devise a dictionary for those unfamiliar with the language of this frankly baffling league, as people struggle to understand why hurling abuse at the referee on a number of occasions could warrant a yellow card. Submissions are welcome. The guide so far:
1 He is just a passionate player.
Phrase used when a manager is explaining why a player has been sent off for a bad tackle or for verbally abusing the referee.
2 He’s gone down too easily there. Shameful.
What commentators say when a foreign player dives.
3 He’s done well to win a penalty for his team.
What commentators say when an English player dives.
4 He’s put his controversial past behind him and is performing consistently.
The player was arrested on suspicion of rape/GBH/drink driving/stealing toilet seats, but not recently.
5 He is a combative player.
He breaks people’s legs.
6 He just does not know how to tackle.
What commentators say when Paul Scholes does a brutal tackle.
7 I am currently in contact talks with the club.
The club is offering me an obscene amount of money, but I want even more.
Mascherano isn’t a dirty player and he’s the first Liverpool player to be sent off in the league all season. He just momentarily lost his rag. The sight of Alex Ferguson moralising on dissent was the most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen. This red-faced bully has spent his entire life abusing and bashing and bullying and intimidating referees, and his teams have reflected that, from Keane to Rooney, a bigger bunch of ranting, swearing, raving, cussing lunatics you’ll never find in English football. Why hasn’t rooney ever been sent off for his dissent and abuse? Amazing.
8 Canny
Scottish
9 He will have to get used to that
English player fouls foreign player
10 A side of the game we don’t want to see
Foreign player fouls English player
Ha ha ha.
Jazz did you happen to notice Mascherano tackle Alliadierre the previous week? How did he get away with it and Alliadierre get sent off? He obviously thought he could carry on getting away with it.
Get away with what? Mascherano was sent off for ‘dissent’ after asking why Torres got booked for asking for protection after getting kicked off the park by Ferdinand and Vidic. He was sent off to compensate for the farce with Cole and Riley at Stamford Bridge, and his lip was no worse than what Rooney and a million other players get up to every week.
Comment 8 -There’s not enough chewing gum in that mouth.
11. He has a natural rhythm.
- they’re talking about a non-white player
12. If he was in the England team he’d be far better
- He’s Welsh/Scottish/Irish
13. He’s a luxury player
- he can actually play football without kicking people to death
14. He doesn’t understand the English game
- he doesn’t go out and get pissed in Essex nightclubs/roast 16 year old girls/eat kebabs and chips
15 He works hard
- he’s not very good but he runs around a lot (generally used to describe Dirk Kuyt)