Meant to say that “More than laws though, I think ANTI-miscegenation exists in the minds of people as well.”

I like it when Sunny gets rough.

“What would be interesting – as a tangent – would be to perhaps discuss what people think about anti-”miscegenation” laws. Alabama only got rid of them very recently – isn’t that right Desi?”

I think it was recently.

More than laws though, I think miscegenation exists in the minds of people as well. Perfect example of people who do this: some Desis. NOTE I say “some,” not all. Though in many cases, Desis tend to think that if the man is a Desi, then somehow this will override the whatever the wife’s background when they have kids, so that somehow, the kids turn out to be “totally” “Desi.” Patriarchy and what not.

“and at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with wanting something for yourself, if that is marrying someone with the same background, fine, just like it should be the same if its an individual with a ‘different’ background. its an individual choice – but that’s the key thing for me – it should be about the individual’s choice, about them and another individual.”

I totally agree.

But families make it freaking hard. I’ve seen people have lots of problems simply because of one set of the parents (or both) disagree about the communion, or treat and see the person of a different background as an “outsider.” It must really suck for couples to have to deal with this.

204 – Halima – i find your comments insightful ( i have no clue whether what Ashik is saying has much to it at all, being very much an outsider) i also find it amusing that he keeps thinking i have some party political affiliation – dunno why! anyhow back to the point..

what’s interesting about this thread : is that it reveals a lot about the kind of pressure there is to conform to societal expectations. and a glimpse at some of the kind of views which goes towards influencing so many people lying about what their relationship choices are.

i think we all know that at the end of the day, people are attracted to other people, and in some cases, it works out, in some cases it doesn’t. regardless of whether we have all the ‘right factors’ in the mix that society approves of or doesn’t. the interesting thing about this thread and the original question was that it was acknowledging the fact that many young asians are not being able to be honest about the relationships they are in – and the question was why.

i don’t see the question being phrased was that there is a problem about people ‘not mixing’ – i thought the question was about the problem of people not being able to be honest about what they are in effect already doing.

This is an ongoing issue that is REALLY important i feel – the ability to tell so many untruths to your family – really does not make for healthy individuals or society. I know – i’ve been there! Yes we thought/think it was necessary so we don’t upset family etc. – but it is really playing a role at the end of the day, and it screws you over one way or the other. And all that lying does change you – it does, it makes you think, keeping the peace is better than telling the truth. And that’s a big recipe for disaster.

and at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with wanting something for yourself, if that is marrying someone with the same background, fine, just like it should be the same if its an individual with a ‘different’ background. its an individual choice – but that’s the key thing for me – it should be about the individual’s choice, about them and another individual. it shouldn’t have to be a bloody group -sanctioned activity, and people shouldn’t have to lie/give up something they might otherwise pursue – to keep their social groups happy. it would be nice if we could all just be loved for ourselves..wouldn’t it..?

What would be interesting – as a tangent – would be to perhaps discuss what people think about anti-”miscegenation” laws. Alabama only got rid of them very recently – isn’t that right Desi?

Now, back to the topic. How many Desi men love Desi women??

Do as you will.

“I personally dropped my jaanam’s hand”

Dropped my EX jaanam’s hand.

The heck with Easter. Holi hai!

Apart from me and Don, apparently.

“PP Members:

I invite you to ask Brit Bengali acquaintances (of whatever generation) what they think of Bengali ppl in the UK who engage in Awami League and BNP politics in the UK.(Be prepared for the use of expletives).”

Honestly, who the hell cares? It’s not even a topic of this thread. I mean, I know I have started convos that have veered off course, but at this point, you are just trying to flamebait about some ties between British Bengalis and the Awami League.

Mind your own effing business, people!

“Could it be that deep inside, some people secretly agree with their parents that white people are not “good enough”?”

No. It’s that they are scared shit-less of what a nosey uncle and gossiping auntie who spotted them hand-in-hand might say to their parents.

Drishtipat isn’t partisan at all, so I would like you to produce this criticism by BNP Ministers. DP started out in the late 90s when it was critical of Awami League’s human rights record. Sorry to defuse that non-starter.

Agree, BLC are excellent. DP and Brick Lane Cicrle plan to do joint presentations. Nice to see a group of Bangladeshis not bogged down by this nth generation “Brit-Bangla” nonsense.