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    The oppression of the Brown man

    by Nooruddean on 14th November, 2005 at 3:02 pm    

    The brown man is oppressed. Not by another people holding him down, nor by physical confinements of mortor and steel. No - the brown man is oppressed by the confines of his own mentality.

    We cannot demand help from others if we are not willing to help ourselves. Oh no. Self-respect demands respect, not the other way around. And so I say, look inward for the answer brothers and sisters, look inward.

    And so I ask you to refer to the attached example to site the pitiful state we are in, dear friends.

    White Pearl Basmati Rice - the Asian housewive’s favourite - are running a promotion. And what irresistable carrot of consumerism do they dangle before their coffee-coloured brethren in order to attract extra custom? A car? A holiday? A big cash jackpot?

    No. A tracksuit. A TRACKSUIT. Not only that, but they have 8 to give away, in green only, and one size fits all.

    Fifty years since the great diaspora from South Asia and this is what has become of us? I despair, I honestly do. It’s all very well to suggest that we did not land on Blackpool rock, and that Blackpool rock landed on us, but face it people - this is not good enough. A TRACKSUIT.

    Tis time to shake your chains to earth like dew I say, and rise like lions after slumber. Because I have a dream, brothers and sisters, I HAVE A DREAM…

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    22 Comments below   |  

    1. Harps — on 14th November, 2005 at 3:17 pm  

      thats grim man :|

      I mean if it had been available in blue it might have influenced my buying decision.

    2. Al-Hack — on 14th November, 2005 at 3:24 pm  

      A shell tracksuit, and ten years ago - then there would be a stampede by young southall rudies trying to buy the bags of rice.

      This is indeed grimmer than Bernard Manning’s jokes.

    3. shihab — on 14th November, 2005 at 4:02 pm  

      well they originally wanted to give away a necklace, but, as we all know, being sexually repressed and all, brown folk don’t do pearl necklaces…

    4. Steve M — on 14th November, 2005 at 4:06 pm  

      If you think that your rice people are clueless, I suspect that this will cheer you up - normblog. In this email a reader complains about the woeful marketing of Rakusen’s, the Kosher matzo people.

      How do I happen to know of such a sad lapse in the Jewish plot for world snack-food domination? Well, dear friends, I know because I was that reader.

    5. Sunny — on 14th November, 2005 at 4:06 pm  

      How did I know you were going to try and get a sexual innuendo in there mr shihab?

    6. Siddhartha — on 14th November, 2005 at 4:09 pm  

      Great, now I know the 50+ bags that I will stockpile in the garage are also because I could win a tracksuit! Oh joy!

    7. Sunny — on 14th November, 2005 at 4:20 pm  

      Lol, Steve that’s funny. I’m sure there are Asian examples too that would compare. Some companies eh, they sit on a goldmine and still don’t know what to do with it. By the way, i cleaned up your HTML.

      I still want to know what ‘inspired’ the track-suit competition.

      My money is that the manufacturer has a side business in clothes retailing, and wants to get rid of excess stock. Asian business genius at its best!

    8. shihab — on 14th November, 2005 at 4:46 pm  

      I remember years ago giving away a free trip to dubai when I worked on a magazine of questionable repute.

      We took it.

      Totally irrelevant to what’s being discussed, but I felt like a ten hail mary’s moment

    9. Bopper — on 14th November, 2005 at 5:06 pm  

      The thing is, any flash on the front of the pack will probably shift a few more bags. It could be a flash logo saying ‘there’s a 50% chance this bag will be mouldy’ and it will still sell more, because some people don’t read marketing blurb, they just react to the way it looks.

    10. Lev — on 14th November, 2005 at 5:08 pm  

      Nooruddean I have a dream too and this is how it goes:

      I have a dream that one day this nation will pull up their jogging bottoms and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal, so that a all size fits all track suit fits everyone.” I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to wear track suits.

      I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of people wearing tracksuits. I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the colour of their tracksuits. I have a dream today.
      I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor’s lips are presently dripping with the words Pearl basmati rice, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together in their tracksuits. I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed in his tracksuit, and all flesh shall see it together. This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brothers in tracksuits. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom in our tracksuits, knowing that we will be free one day to wear Jeans instead.

    11. Robert — on 14th November, 2005 at 5:39 pm  

      It is not just The Brown Man who oppresses himself.

      This morning I was waiting for a bus, when a girl wandered up to join the queue. She asked me if I had a light for her cigarette, but didn’t ask the asian chap standing right next to me. He just stood there blankly, and I bit my nails.

      The girl, however, was oblivious and continued chatting with a confident air. But this was understandable: She had a bright, white, Kappa tracksuit.

    12. Bikhair — on 14th November, 2005 at 7:10 pm  


      Lol, O please. YOu know how much a Puma track suit cost? I say that was a pretty good deal. I recently shelled out $85.00 for a Puma Jacket, not the whole suit but just the jacket. YOu guys are haters.

    13. jamal — on 14th November, 2005 at 7:11 pm  

      lol. I can only laugh at this. Though i estimate that many of my neighbours (and possibly some relatives) are stocking up on countless bags as we speak to increase their chances of winning. If I didnt thow away those green gazelles a few years ago that would have matched, I might have applied too!

    14. Bikhair — on 14th November, 2005 at 7:11 pm  

      Would have been nice if it accompanied some ahadith, or ayats from the Quran, but we are Muslims, who needs that? Sarcasm!

      May Allah azawajal reward whatever good comes from you people. Asalaamualaikum wa rahmatullah…..

    15. shihab — on 14th November, 2005 at 7:28 pm  

      bikhair, don’t be silly. you can’t have religious scripts on clothes without the muslim council issuing a fatwa. they are only allowed in aubergines

    16. Nooruddean — on 14th November, 2005 at 8:03 pm  

      Steve M - Many a time have I passed a pack o Matzo in the local Tesco and been tempted by the Kosher cracker as a mekhaye alternative to the old Ryvita, but have always felt too much of a goyim to go through with it. Oy Vey indeed.

      Lev - Such beautiful sentiments - your vision is one of true bravery and valour…

    17. PhatBoy — on 15th November, 2005 at 12:11 am  

      how much is a bag of basmati going for?

      does anyone have quarterly sales figures?

      i want to work out how much i have to spend to get those tracksuits…

    18. Eric — on 15th November, 2005 at 12:52 am  

      What’s wrong with this?

      You can always get a turquoise tracksuit, and proclaim yourself son of God.

    19. Bikhair — on 15th November, 2005 at 3:33 am  


      Nevermind what I said. I am confused massive.

    20. Steve M — on 15th November, 2005 at 10:35 am  

      Nooruddean, they’re lovely with butter - butter and peanut butter is my fave. They’re tricky blighters to butter on to though as they have a tendency to break - I suggest a wooden breadboard and a flexy knife.

      Of course, Matzo will never take over from Ryvita but I believe they can happily co-exist in the kitchen.

      … and don’t worry about being too much of a goyim. Just check that there are no orthodox Jews in your line and you should get away without comment.

    21. coruja — on 15th November, 2005 at 3:04 pm  

      and it’s not even brown rice?

    22. Englishman in New York — on 15th November, 2005 at 3:24 pm  

      […] Links for today: Buy some rice, win a tracksuit, oppress the brown man Palestinian child is strapped to a bomb and labeled a freedom fighter by Hamas Hizbollah the BBC Technorati Tags: Blogging dysgraphia […]

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