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  • It’s the say nice things to Katy and take Don’s mind off a weekend of boring relatives weekend open thread!

    by Katy
    7th July, 2007 at 10:55 am    

    Yes, it’s true. This site’s become a big pile of miserable ranty people ranting about miserable ranty stuff. And I have a message for you:


    Yes, that’s right. You are making me and Don miserable and it’s got to STOP. So stop tussling about imperialism and governments and terrorists and boycotts and Tony Blair or whatever it is you crazy kids are getting all upset about and get your asses over to this open thread, a place of joy, light and NO POLITICS OR SERIOUS STUFF.

    If you are uncertain about whether what you would like to say is appropriate for the open thread, here is a handy guide for you to peruse at your leisure:

    Jokes, funny pictures, funny stories, notification of interesting weekend plans, gentle teasing, compliments and other nice things to/about me and Don, and YouTube videos showing oddly dressed people dancing in an amusing fashion: APPROPRIATE.

    Politics, racism, serious commentary, nastiness directed at other commenters and anything about George Galloway: INAPPROPRIATE.

    I have made it very easy for you. And so I will have no hesitation in cutting in half anyone who breaks these very simple rules. Yes. Let the party begin!!!!

    (I have always been a bit hesitant about people who describe comments threads as a “party”. They are not parties at all. But I’ve written it now. Oh well.)

                  Post to

    Filed in: Current affairs

    54 Comments below   |  

    Reactions: Twitter, blogs

    1. Clairwil — on 7th July, 2007 at 11:15 am  

      Here are some fine day trips for those at a loose end today

    2. Neet — on 7th July, 2007 at 1:01 pm  

      This is something I that was emailed over to me, just made me laugh because it is sooo true;


      You actually like doing laundry at home where the washing
      machines work.

      Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.

      You’d rather clean than study especially if an essay is due.

      “Oh shit how did it get so late!” comes out of your mouth at
      least once a night.

      Parents’ cooking becomes something you desire, not avoid.

      You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soap operas
      especially neighbours and Hollyoaks.

      You know the pizza boy by name and don’t even need to read the

      You go to sleep when it’s light and get up when it’s dark.

      You live for getting mail.

      Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.

      Prank phone calls become funny again.

      You start thinking and sounding like your friends and your
      accent becomes a hybrid of West Country, Surrey and general

      Highlighters are the coolest things on earth.

      Rearranging your room is your favourite pastime.

      Rubbish cheap £1 shops are so cool.

      The weekend lasts from Thursday to Monday

    3. Jai — on 7th July, 2007 at 2:14 pm  

      Okay folks, here’s the biggest question of our times. Beyond psychopathic jihadi doctors, beyond Israel & Palestine, beyond even the mystery of Jay Singh’s disappearance combined with Rohin’s sudden reappearance:

      Who do you think would win in an all-out, citywide fight between John McClane and Jack Bauer ?

      Debate and discuss.

    4. Chairwoman — on 7th July, 2007 at 2:28 pm  

      Who are John McClane and Jack Bauer, and what are they fighting about?

    5. Don — on 7th July, 2007 at 2:31 pm  

      The city would defintely lose.

    6. Jai — on 7th July, 2007 at 2:45 pm  

      Who are John McClane and Jack Bauer

      John McClane: name of Bruce Willis’s character in the “Die Hard” movies.

      Jack Bauer: name of Kiefer Sutherland’s character in the ongoing television series “24″.

      and what are they fighting about ?

      They’re fighting each other to settle the question of who’s harder.

    7. Katy Newton — on 7th July, 2007 at 3:46 pm  

      Jack Bauer, dude.

    8. Chairwoman — on 7th July, 2007 at 3:46 pm  

      Should I watch “24″, seeing as it’s been going for ages? I think it’s on every day.

      What sort of thing is it?

      Am I too old?

    9. j0nz — on 7th July, 2007 at 5:06 pm  

      I stumbled on this hilarious video on Youtube

    10. Jai — on 7th July, 2007 at 5:16 pm  

      Mademoiselle Newton,

      Jack Bauer, dude.

      Why Mr Bauer, dudette ? You don’t think he could be beaten by the guy in the grubby white vest who always has an appropriately witty one-liner at hand ?

      Madame Newton,

      Should I watch “24″, seeing as it’s been going for ages?

      Oh yes.

      I think it’s on every day.

      According to my TV schedule, Sky One are showing repeats from some of the earlier seasons during the weekdays, if you happen to be at home during the daytime.

      What sort of thing is it?

      Action-thriller / one-lone-super-government-agent-against-an-army-of-terrorists / political espionage sorta thing.

      More info here:

      Am I too old?

      Nah, as long as you don’t mind shows that alternate between characters constantly whispering into mobiles and very loud explosions & gunshots.

    11. Jai — on 7th July, 2007 at 6:18 pm  

      Chairwoman Auntie,

      Apologies, my previous link didn’t work. Here’s the full version:

    12. Muhamad — on 7th July, 2007 at 6:49 pm  

      Last night, I was being intensely self-indulgent, and, I made a right royal mess of it all.

    13. Jesus — on 7th July, 2007 at 7:15 pm  

      That’s ok. All is forgiven.

    14. Muhamad — on 7th July, 2007 at 7:31 pm  

      Hey, Jesus, tell them how you prophecied my coming.

    15. Jesus — on 7th July, 2007 at 7:43 pm  

      I didn’t. Sorry Mo. It’s all in your head! MWhahaha

    16. Muzumdar — on 7th July, 2007 at 8:10 pm  

      You guys have got to check this out:

      Scroll half way down the page and watch the video of Lit and Cameron bowling through Southall Broadway, it’s cringing (for all the natives on the board, check out the bit where Lit tries to speak Punjabi to the hardcore Singhs - hilarious).

      I know you said no politics, but this isn’t about politics, it’s about the hilarity of one man: Tony Lit.

    17. douglas clark — on 8th July, 2007 at 1:42 am  

      Hey Katy,

      Well I’ve said it once, when you argued that there wasn’t a need for a change in the law - ré forced marriages, if I recall correctly. You proved yourself right, over, I don’t know a dozen posts?

      And you are right about the need for resources rather than rules about arranged marriages.

      You are quite a brilliant person, that is what I said then, and that is what I’ll say now.

      I know you and I don’t see eye to eye on everything, but I do respect your opinions, so is this the thread to say it on?

      Much respect.


      Your regard for the mouthy, sweary DK, is problematic. If you see what I mean.

    18. Katy Newton — on 8th July, 2007 at 11:22 am  

      I know you and I don’t see eye to eye on everything, but I do respect your opinions, so is this the thread to say it on?

      Yes! See “Appropriate” category above :-D

      Your regard for the mouthy, sweary DK, is problematic. If you see what I mean.

      Ah, but you wouldn’t like me for long if I was the sort of person who dropped friends because other people didn’t like them, would you? No no no.

    19. Katy Newton — on 8th July, 2007 at 11:33 am  

      That would be shallow. The Newton is not shallow. No.

      The Newton, by the way, has been introduced to something that will say nice things to her ALL THE TIME.

    20. leon — on 8th July, 2007 at 12:06 pm  

      I’ve just experienced something that’s upped my faith in humanity.

      Early last week I put some money into a family members bank account online. A few days later they phoned me to say it hadn’t gone through so I said no worries it’s left my account and will take a few working days to clear.

      Anyway, checked with them today and it still hadn’t gone through. I thought oh ffs…checked their details and realised I’d cocked up the account number and some lucky sod had been given £150 of my money!

      But! When I went on today to move some money I noticed an odd thing, someone in Prescot had put a cheque into my account for £150!!!

      So, whoever you are THANK YOU! You’ve upped my faith in humanity’s capacity for kindness and saved me losing a good bit of money. :)

    21. douglas clark — on 8th July, 2007 at 1:09 pm  

      The Newton is in fact a wonderful person, not in any need of automated love, re ALL THE TIME.

      Though why the worlds most intelligent sex bomb, trade mark me, would choose to hang out with a sweary wee tit, is beyond me :-)

    22. Don — on 8th July, 2007 at 4:01 pm  

      The weather has turned out to be splendid, and the relations less foul than usual. So I think a relaxed cycle ride to Watersmeet is in order.

    23. Anas — on 8th July, 2007 at 5:08 pm  

      great old spooky black and white film on BBC2 tonight the spiral staircase. well worth a watch

    24. Billy — on 8th July, 2007 at 5:16 pm  

      McClain is certainly wittier than Bauer. I don’t think it would be that kind of fight though, mores the pity.

    25. Jai — on 8th July, 2007 at 8:52 pm  

      So Katy, why would Bauer win against McClane ?

      I will hijack this thread and keep asking you until I get a response. Oh yes.

      I reckon it’s the whole “I’m not afraid to use torture or break Federal regulations to get the job done” bad boy thing about Bauer that does it for you. And he can go 24 hours without a snack or a bathroom break.

      McClane, meanwhile, can always offer you a snappy retort in-between the havoc he wreaks, and — most importantly — he can say “Yippeekaiyay” with a straight face.

    26. bikhair — on 8th July, 2007 at 9:43 pm  

      Sunny? My email?

    27. ZinZin — on 8th July, 2007 at 11:43 pm  

      Its my birthday in 15 minutes.

    28. Chairwoman — on 8th July, 2007 at 11:49 pm  

      ZinZin - Happy Birthday in 11 minutes.

      Have a lovely day :-)

    29. Katy Newton — on 8th July, 2007 at 11:51 pm  

      Oh ZinZin happy birthday!

    30. douglas clark — on 9th July, 2007 at 12:31 am  

      Just a test, as I was going to sgree with K Newton elsewhere, shit, I’ll agree with K Newton here!

      And happy birthday to young ZinZin, you are are the only person to have a pointer to my so far non existent web site. Much happiness mate.

    31. douglas clark — on 9th July, 2007 at 12:35 am  

      sgree is Scottish dialect for ‘agree’. No, wtf, I can’t type for peanuts……. :-)

    32. soru — on 9th July, 2007 at 10:41 am  

      why would Bauer win against McClane

      Neither would win, they would realise they have been fighting over a misunderstanding, hug in a manly way, say something about Freedom! and America!, and team up together to fight the real enemy.

      Which, as this is a Hollywood movie, would doubtless be a suave and sinister upper class Brit.

      So, Bauer and McClane versus James Bond, does Bond have a chance?

    33. Kismet Hardy — on 9th July, 2007 at 11:23 am  

      Pedants and feminists (male or female),

      A friend of mine said ‘I don’t like KT Tunstall because she’s got no tits’

      Unsurprisingly, he was shouted down with cries of ‘sexist twat’

      But he argued that it didn’t make him a sexist to have a sexual preferance. If anything, he was a titist.

      What say you?

    34. sonia — on 9th July, 2007 at 11:37 am  

      hope everyone had a brilliant rain-free weekend!
      oh leon that is a wonderful tale indeed, you know its nice when things like that happen.

      katy that’s a brilliant invention you linked to there - heh heh!
      jesus was funny up there wasnt he? all is forgive :-)

      happy birthday zinzin

    35. Jai — on 9th July, 2007 at 6:53 pm  


      they would realise they have been fighting over a misunderstanding, hug in a manly way,

      I can imagine McClane giving it a shot, but I can’t see Bauer allowing him (or any other guy) to hug him…..

      McClane *famous lop-sided smirk*: “Hey man. Is that a cellphone vibrating in your pants, or are you just pleased to see me ?”

      Bauer *growling*: “Get the hell off me, you son of a bitch.”

      So, Bauer and McClane versus James Bond, does Bond have a chance?

      I think Bond could hold his own against McClane. However, it could be an even match between him and Bauer, because both of them are equally ruthless. The fact that Bauer’s becoming increasingly brutal and even slightly unhinged (“damaged”, to use the politically-correct term) might even result in him having a slight edge over 007.

      It has, however, occurred to me that the one guy we’ve forgotten to mention, namely Jason Bourne, could probably kick all of their asses singlehandedly. And simultaneously.

    36. Jai's ode to Anas — on 9th July, 2007 at 7:00 pm  

      This is going out to Anas, due our recent argument here on PP which didn’t end very well.

      *Jai grabs microphone stand and adjusts his guitar*

      Anas, this is for you, buddy…..*90,000 people in Wembley Stadium cheer*

      I never meant to cause you any sorrow…..
      I never meant to cause you any pain, yeah…..
      I only wanted one time to see you laughing…..
      Only-wanted-to-see-you-laughing-in-the-purple rain.
      Purple rain, purple rain……(Goodnight London !!)…..Purple rain, puuuuurple rain……

      Come on Anas, sing along ! You know the words !

      *Katy and Chairwoman wave their arms in the air in time to the music, cigarette lighters aloft*

    37. sonia — on 9th July, 2007 at 7:16 pm  

      awww jai that’s really sweet!

    38. Clairwil — on 9th July, 2007 at 10:52 pm  

      Aw! As Sonia says that is indeed very sweet. So it does pain me to have to spoil the mood but I have been wronged by a fellow pickler. Namely our Douglas who stood up the Ill Man and I on Saturday. Hours we waited in that pub! Hours I tell you!

    39. El Cid — on 10th July, 2007 at 11:33 am

    40. sonia — on 10th July, 2007 at 1:06 pm  

      oh dear…im sure douglas must have a good reason! Did you and the ill man have a good time anyway?

    41. Anas — on 10th July, 2007 at 5:07 pm  

      Errr, thanks Jai. I actually started to listen to the album Purple Rain a lot recently. I’m changing my mind on it, I think it’s ace.

    42. Anas — on 10th July, 2007 at 5:11 pm  

      belated happy birthday to ZinZin too

    43. Don — on 10th July, 2007 at 6:08 pm  

      Oh, this has cheered me up.

      ‘… it’s not difficult to catch Don. It’s impossible.’

    44. Jai — on 10th July, 2007 at 7:40 pm  


      I hope we can be friends again.

      Anyway, I’m glad that Purple Rain is growing on you. His new album “Planet Earth” has received quite rave reviews, incidentally. Looking forward to it.


      I’m going to modify Sign O’ The Times to reflect current events, as follows:

      In a cave a tall skinny man
      Hates a big president with a little name
      By chance some doctor came across a jihadi DVD
      And soon he feels the same
      At home there are seventeen-year-old boys
      And their idea of fun
      Is being in a gang called Al-Qaeda
      High on God, totin a machine gun

      Time, time

      Fanatic ripped the roof of a bus
      And killed everyone inside
      U turn on the telly and every other story
      Is tellin u somebody died
      Innocents in Darfur are abandoned to their fate cuz the politics ain’t right today
      And we’re sending people 2 Iraq
      In september my cousin was mistaken 4 a Muslim 4 the very first time
      Now we’re all assumed terrorists, it’s june

      Times, times

      Its silly, no?
      When we’re all really brothers
      And everybody still wants 2 fight
      Some say a man ain’t with God, truly
      Unless a man’s faith is truly right
      Oh why, oh why, sign o the times

    45. Rumbold — on 10th July, 2007 at 8:06 pm  

      Don, The original Don was better (though it did not have Priyanka Chopra in it).

    46. dollymixedup — on 10th July, 2007 at 8:30 pm  

      I think you should all check out cosmic sausage’s (google ‘em) version of purple rain. it truly rocks.

    47. Jai — on 11th July, 2007 at 9:53 am  

      Crikey, I’ve realised that #44 comes under the category of “political” stuff. Sorry folks. Double sorry to Katy. I was just trying to be all poetic and poignant and whatnot…..

      Anyway, peace and goodwill to all. Especially Anas. And even Usman. And of course Mazumdar too, who’s done the online equivalent of being the entertaining Punjabi uncle who finally gets thrown out of the wedding reception after-party for having a little too much Coke & JD and “accidentally” pinching your cousin Harjit’s hot wife’s bum on the dancefloor.

    48. justforfun — on 11th July, 2007 at 10:12 am  

      Jai - you Sikhs are so unforgiving. Sunny has gone and banned him now :-( , and we never found out what his favourite drink was. I always assumed him to be a Vodka man, with little added except women.


    49. justforfun — on 11th July, 2007 at 11:00 am  

      Katy - as you like cooking - try this long awaited book

      I’m ordering a copy and I can then get your advice on my inevitable failures. We should have PP cooking weekends where a chosen cookbook and selected receipy is selected a few weeks ahead ( will need time to get the ingredients as I’m outside the M25!!) and then we compare notes afterwards.

      Better than argueing about religions - the route to most people is through their stomachs.


      Ps for the large Bengali community here -,,1955196,00.html - we could have a few from this book too.

    50. Jagdeep — on 11th July, 2007 at 3:56 pm  

      I have stolen my cousins box sets of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ and been watching two episodes a night. The guy Larry David is a genius — he surpasses all other shows. I have not laughed so much at any comedy show ever, so consistently. Any other ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ fans here?

    51. justforfun — on 11th July, 2007 at 5:59 pm  

      Obviously not - anyway something for more culturally significant has happened!

      The launch of the Fiat 500. Ony the Italians and Japs know how to do retro. The Mini and Beetle are just cr*p as far as the styling goes.

      I have a soft spot for Fiats - my gran’s topolino and my mum’s 1100. I would get an 1100 if I could find one here in the UK, - but now I might do some re-evaluation.


    52. Clairwil — on 11th July, 2007 at 8:03 pm  

      I love Curb Your Enthusiasm. Have you seen the one where Larry goes to an incest survivors group? It’s hysterical.

    53. El Cid — on 12th July, 2007 at 9:11 am  
    54. Chairwoman — on 12th July, 2007 at 12:23 pm  

      Justforfun - I have a Multipla. It is the car I always said I wouldn’t be seen in, but is the only one that is suitable for my medical condition.

      I’ve only driven it once, when I bought it, not realising that things were going to get worse, but Katy uses it when she needs more than 2 seats, and I’ve been to medical appointments etc., in it, and it’s a cracking little car.

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