The Nations Smeatheart!


by Clairwil
3rd July, 2007 at 10:56 pm    

Is there anyone left with an internet connection who is unawre of the man, nay the legend that is Glasgow Airport baggage handler John Smeaton?

For the unfamiliar and those like me who grin from ear to ear at anything Smeaton related. He was one of the members of the public who tackled the admittedly rubbish terrorists at Glasgow Airport on Saturday. Ah John, what is not to love about a man who witnesses a terrorist attack thinks to himself ‘whits the score here, we need tae get this sorted’.

However unlike the others John was interviewed and rather than adopt a formal manner for being on the telly showed himself to be at ease in front of the cameras by chatting amiably away in his everyday Glasgow dialect. As a result viewers in America were baffled as John told CNN he ‘wis oot fur a fag’ and the world stunned by his comparison of the explosions in the car as being like ‘when ye throw a can of deodorant ontae a bonfire’.

However the ‘accent barrier’ aside most of us have been charmed by his simple message to the terrorists ‘This is Glasgow, we’ll set about ye’. Indeed we shall, as the author of the fine tribute website points out, ‘nobody gets between 10,000 Weegies and a £99 week in Ibiza booked on Thursday night through Barrhead Travel.’ Not on the great Smeato’s watch.

However events have taken a darker turn it would appear that Smeaton’s bosses at Airways are displeased with our hero and he’s rumoured to be facing disciplinary action for talking to the press! Though he is also rumoured to be addressing an awestruck and grateful nation on ‘Reporting Scotland’ tomorrow night. There is, it has to be said an air of mystery about all things Smeaton related. That’s part of his allure.

Like the man himself ‘Smeatomania’ is unstoppable. You can buy badges, t-Shirts and posters. Flower Of Scotland has been rewritten to include Smeaton’s heroics, attempts are being made to have him added to the bill at T In The Park, have June 30th declared ‘Smeaton day’, Glasgow Airport renamed in his honour, suggestions made that he be knighted, given the freedom of every city in Scotland, made defence minister, prime minister, given parts in Still Game and River City, an appearance on Big Brother, women are offering themselves to the Smeat. In short we haven’t seen the like since the Beatles and it took four of them to get everyone going.

I’m pleased to say despite the best attempts of a minority of racists, Islamophobes, conspiraloons and humourless bigots to derail the Smeato tribute site. It’s remained a place of merriment and has surpassed it’s aim of raising enough to buy the man 1000 pints. Do drop in and leave your message of adoration for our John.


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  1. The iLL Man — on 3rd July, 2007 at 11:29 pm  

    Much as I admire his actions, the whole ‘Smeato’ thing is sort of getting on my nips. If I receive one more balls achingly unfunny circular email at work about terrorists and ‘mentalist weegies’…………

    Maybe my sense of humour is in need of a service.

    Must say, it’s a bit off that his employers are after disciplining the lad though. Are they embarrassed by him or something? Not expecting the Vicky Cross or anything, but surely a slap on the back and a hearty ‘well done’, no?

    Nah, thought not.

  2. Riz — on 3rd July, 2007 at 11:34 pm  

    Hilarious. After watching his interview, I thought it was one of the best things I had seen in ages … clearly not alone. I like how the site compares him to Jack Baeur! Come on the Smeaton.

  3. Clairwil — on 3rd July, 2007 at 11:50 pm  

    Ill Man,
    Funnily enough when I was alerting people to the tribute site I left you out because I didn’t think you’d find it funny! I know you better than I thought.
    Hopefully nowt will come of the disciplinary thing but never underestimate the evil of bosses.

    Riz,
    It’s hysterical isn’t it. They’ve got to get the big man on a T in the Park. The crowd would go wild!

  4. Clairwil — on 3rd July, 2007 at 11:55 pm  

    http://www.lemonde.fr/web/article/0,1-0@2-3214,36-931190@51-929466,0.html

    What in the name of God will France make of Smeats?

  5. Refresh — on 4th July, 2007 at 12:23 am  

    I feel sorry for him already. It won’t be too long before his life won’t be his own.

    I’d rather he was recognised for his bravery and not have celebrity imposed on him.

    Let Alex Salmond do the decent thing and let Mr Smeaton and the other brave scots accept their recognition – and then back to normality (anonymity if you like).

    BTW the 1,000 pints is not a good idea. Glasgow has its health targets to think of.

  6. Sunny — on 4th July, 2007 at 1:26 am  

    I swear I had serious trouble understanding the guy. But very down to earth… hehe.

  7. The iLL Man — on 4th July, 2007 at 1:26 am  

    God! Am I that straight? I think the guy should be lauded and I hope he gets his 1000 pints. Or somewhere close to it, but it’s all worn a bit thin on me. Anyway, all the best to the guy and hope he enjoys his hero status.

  8. Harry — on 4th July, 2007 at 10:03 am  

    These comments on the site had me laughing:

    Only in Glasgow can some guy who sets out on a “holy jihad” and destiny with 84 virgins in paradise end up on fire from head to toe, having a square go with a bystander and getting maced by the police. Get it right up you, mate!

    Only in Glasgow do suicide bombers need rescuing from the locals by the Police.

    Only in Glasgow when you pop out for a ciggy can you get a lite off a burning suicide bomber’s head.

  9. Sahil — on 4th July, 2007 at 1:00 pm  

    I just saw the post Clair, ‘pure dead brilliant aye’!! I saw the guy on TV and just thought, only in Glasgow. =)

  10. douglas clark — on 4th July, 2007 at 3:24 pm  

    Clairwil,

    You certainly did him justice here! Thanks.

  11. El Cid — on 4th July, 2007 at 8:50 pm  

    :)

  12. douglas clark — on 5th July, 2007 at 2:49 am  

    Ill Man at 7,

    Is it not the point that we need comic book heroes of our own? To put up against their heroes?

    Anyway, it is bloody funny.

  13. dralph — on 5th July, 2007 at 9:22 am  

    The message is clear from Smeaton – don’t f+++ with Glasgow!

  14. The iLL Man — on 5th July, 2007 at 6:34 pm  

    Agreed Douglas. I was just in a foul mood on Tuesday.

  15. Twining or Black in Blue — on 8th July, 2007 at 6:37 pm  

    I have founded the John Smeaton Police Support Association, (JSPSA).

  16. Twining or Black in Blue — on 8th July, 2007 at 6:38 pm  

    He’s made it clear, “come to Glasgow and we’ll have you innit.”

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